Total pages in book: 213
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
But so is this feeling that takes over every inch of me. The rolling tide of pleasure that refuses to leave.
When he comes back to the bed, I want to ask him if it’s always like that, but I don’t.
Instead, I ask him if he wants me to take off the sheets, in a voice still breathless, but he shushes me, getting in behind me and scooting me to the other side of the bed. Even with fatigue weighing me down and the overwhelming sensation of pleasure still racing through me, I want to do something for him, anything.
Theres’s a crushing need to make things right with him, to show him that it’s okay and even better than okay. And that I’m sorry. I feel so fucking sorry.
But he hushes me again and plants a kiss on the side of my jaw, wrapping his heavy arm around me and pulling me close.
“Thank you,” I whisper although I feel foolish doing it. Sebastian doesn’t say anything; he just holds me tighter. I don’t know if I’ve ruined everything and part of me starts to wonder if I have. It was intense and emotional and I’m still riding the high, but the nagging feeling that I’m alone, and that I destroyed whatever we had creeps into my thoughts.
“How did that feel, Chloe Rose?” The deep rumble of his chest accompanies his question.
It felt like he owned me. Body and soul.
“You can do that to me whenever you want,” I answer him with sweet sorrow mixing in my chest. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but tonight, I’ll have forever.
He arranges me so I’m nestled perfectly against his chest on my side, his hand splayed on my belly as he kisses my hair and then my shoulder. Nothing but warmth and comfort flow through me. I’ve never felt so loved. Never in my life have I felt like this. So wholly wanted and cherished. It’s the way he’s brutal, but gentle just the same. I want to believe it’s because of me, because of us. That it isn’t like this with other girls. That he isn’t treating me differently because he found out I’m a virgin. And although the doubt and worry are there, tonight it feels real.
I swear I hear him whisper, “I love you, Chloe Rose,” as my eyes become heavier. He whispered it at the back of my neck. But as quickly as I thought I heard the words, I start to think I imagined it. It’s something I’ve always wanted to hear from him, and I need to hear it now. I desperately need to hear it.
I don’t know if it’s a dream, maybe one I once had long ago and wish to remember, or if it’s real. But as I feel sleep pull me under, I hold on to those words. Deep down inside of my soul, I know they’ll keep me safe.
I only wish I had the strength to say them to him.
SEBASTIAN
How could I not have known?
I can’t get the nagging thought to go the fuck away. I was so eager to have Chloe, to ruin her, to make sure she’d remember me forever, that I didn’t stop to consider the possibility I’d be her first.
If I had known, I would have done it differently. She’d have a better memory of her first time.
I should have fucking known.
Drew dated her for a month when I was away, up north with Romano. He told me he was lying about the rumors of her sucking him off behind the school, but at the time, I wasn’t sure if he was telling me the truth or not because I was slamming his face into the cement. I thought he took her first. The day I heard what he was telling other people, I thought he’d taken her V-card.
Her only other boyfriend was Jared Santack.
They went to semi formals together and I saw him kiss her. I know they went home together that night. It was the night I came home from my first stint in jail. I remember thinking for a split second how she deserved someone like Jared, then I planned how I’d fuck up his car the next day, just because he needed to have something of his broken too.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Carter asks me from across the dining room.
My gaze shifts to him and I try to fix the pissed off look I know is on my face, but I can’t. Last night fucked me up in a way I can’t explain. I run my hand down my face and try to shrug it all off. The chair legs scratch on the floor as I get up from the table and go to the window. Carter’s family’s house is on the outskirts of the city and backs up to the woods. It’s dark and there’s not much to look at out there, but I stare outside anyway, trying to get my shit together.