Total pages in book: 213
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask him and try to swallow down my worry.
“Are you going to leave me if I say I’ll be fine?” he asks, turning his face toward me and his lips are only inches from mine.
I huff a small laugh and a trace of a smile is there for a moment, but the pain of the unknown is quick to take it away. The smile on my lips quivers and I have to take in a deep breath.
“I don’t know where we go from here.” It’s hard to tell him the truth.
I hear him swallow and then he looks up at the ceiling, rather than at me.
“I still want you,” he says in a whisper although I’m not sure he meant for it to come out that way. “I can’t let go of you,” he says and puts his gaze back on me, assessing my reaction.
I can’t explain how it feels to hear him say the only words I want to hear. I want to beg him not to let go of me because I’m so afraid to lose myself with him, but I don’t ever want to be apart.
A second passes, and then another. And I don’t know what to do or think or say. I only know time is running out.
“I’ll never stop watching you, Addison. My heart thinks you belong to me and it always has. Whether I want it, whether you want it. It doesn’t matter–I’ll always feel this need to watch over you.”
“It’s not the watching part,” I try to tell him and then shake my head. My hair slides against the pillow and I struggle to speak, but somehow I do. “It just hurts.”
“I’m sorry.” He says the same words as before, but the pain is so much more real now as he turns over slightly and puts his hand on mine.
“Do you want me?” he asks me and then adds, “Do you want to come home with me? I’ll make it better. I swear I will.”
He squeezes my hand and I don’t know what to say. I just want everything to feel better and to not hate myself for running back to him.
“I don’t want you to come with me because you’re lost or lonely or scared. If you want me, I want you. I can’t help it and I can’t stop it. I tried and when I finally let go of you, there was nothing left of me.”
My heart aches for him and for me. I know exactly how he feels. Tears prick my eyes and I can hardly breathe.
I can’t answer him, so instead I tell him what I’d planned on saying when I was ready to say goodbye.
My words come out in shuddered breaths. “If you’d come to me back then, I would have let you in. Instead of watching me in pain, I would have loved you for being there for me and I would have been there for you too.”
“You’re blind to how you were back then. You may have had feelings for me. But you loved him.”
“I loved you too though.” My voice cracks as I protest and I heave in a breath.
“You wouldn’t if you knew the truth. It was my fault-”
I cut him off, pressing my finger to his lips to silence him. “I’m done with the past, Daniel. I don’t need to know every horrible thing you once did. I only wanted you to know that I would have let you in.” I almost add, just like I am now. I can feel myself falling back to him after nearly losing him. After almost seeing him die. There’s no way I can let him go again.
Something lifts in my chest. A lightness that gives me more room to breathe. It’s the truth, and knowing that makes me feel anything but weak.
He pauses, considering what I’ve said and looks past me at the window to the bedroom before speaking again. “You think you would have, but I couldn’t take the chance that you’d turn me away. I never had a chance, Addison. Even after he was gone you still loved him, and I hated myself for even thinking about taking his place in your heart. I don’t care anymore. I already hate myself, but at least I can have you. I can love you better than anyone else.”
He swallows thickly and adds, “I can promise you that.”
“Love is a strong word.” I’m still afraid to tell him I love him. I don’t want him to die. More than anything else, I can’t lose him. I know deep down inside, I love Daniel Cross and always have.
“It’s the right word for what we have, but we can pretend to go slow?” he questions as if I’ve already forgiven him. As if I’ve agreed to go back home with him.