Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 64320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 214(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 214(@300wpm)
I have to force myself not to message him. I have to force myself not to tell him that I’m not okay. With how badly I want to be held, I wish I could, but I refuse to use him.
But after an hour going by and a dozen more text messages unanswered by Evan, I cave. I have to tell him, and so I do. I tell him over a text that his father passed away and after crying for hours and seeing that he read it, I still get nothing back.
I text Jake, I’m not okay.
Chapter 14
Evan
She won’t wait for you forever,
There’s no way she ever could.
Time changes by the day and life,
Brings both the bad and good.
It creeps into who you are,
Deep down in your soul.
The person that you left behind,
Will never again be whole.
It’s fitting it would snow today. I shudder as I watch men dig the hole my father will be laid in tomorrow. The ground’s hard and stubborn. Like my father, in a way.
The frigid air isn’t doing a damn thing to aid me in keeping my composure.
All day, all I could think is that it was James who somehow found a way to kill my pops. Mason’s the only reason I didn’t go back to his office and kill him. Even if he wasn’t there, there’s no place he could run.
I’m paranoid. I’m desperate. I’m fucking lonely.
I want my wife. I need her. A weak man would go to her and she’d be made a target. Mason assured me she’s safe, and this would only help reinforce to James that Kat and I aren’t together anymore and she shouldn’t be on his radar in the least.
The snow crunches to my right and I turn toward the small parking lot. Mason’s early. I didn’t even hear him come up behind me until now.
“Thanks for coming, man,” I greet him and take his outstretched hand.
“I’m so sorry,” Mason tells me as he looks behind me to the gravesite. He found Kat downstairs and I’m still devastated that I wasn’t there for her like he was able to be.
Every piece of me is begging to go to her. She can make me feel better—not right, but better.
“You hear anything from your guy?” I ask Mason as I turn from the two men digging my father’s grave. I’m desperate for someone to blame this on. It’s hard to grasp it’s real, let alone just a random occurrence. I’ll fucking lose it if he says yes, but that’s what I’m praying for. I’m already on edge. Anger is so much easier to handle than despair. If this was because of me, I’ll never forgive myself. My heart clenches as Mason stares back at me.
“It was natural causes,” he says lowly with more sorrow than I anticipated. I have to turn from him and face the nearly empty parking lot as the wind whips at my face.
I bite back the need to cry and simply nod my head.
Just a blood clot. Just bad luck. There’s no one to blame or kill.
That’s what hurts the most.
“I’m sorry,” Mason says, offering his condolences again. He gives me the space I need as I walk off a few feet closer to the empty plot and I’m grateful for it.
“Your girl,” Mason starts and then clears his throat. “You’ve got to do something for her.” His voice is weak like he’s begging me.
“You’re the one who said I can’t,” I remind him as I turn back to face him. He told me not to. To not even think about texting her back. James is tracking my phone, just like we’re tracking his. He’ll know the moment I message her.
“When I asked about her being followed, you said it wasn’t your guy,” I add.
“This is different,” Mason says like it wasn’t devastating that someone could’ve been watching her. If they’re watching her, they could be setting her up. If she really felt eyes on her, that is. There’s not a hint of activity at our place and we haven’t seen anything ourselves.
“She’s not doing too well.” My blood turns to ice as I wait for him to spit it out. Not her. I swallow thickly.
“This morning she said, ‘everyone in her life dies,’” Mason tells me with a deep crease in his forehead. “She needs someone.”
“You’re the one who said she has to believe it too. That we’re over with.”
“I know, I know,” Mason says.
“So, which is it?” I practically scream, the words ripping their way up my throat. Light-headed, freezing and desperate for this all to be over, my world spins around me, too fast for me to keep a level head.
“I’m sorry, I just … it’s rough seeing her like this.” I can’t stand it. This is torture. Maybe it’s the punishment I deserve but it’s as if I’m dying from a thousand tiny cuts, and I can’t stop a single one.