Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 63195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
“I don’t want to fight,” I remind her.
“I don’t want this, Evan. I didn’t ask for this,” she says, raising her voice for the second part, the anger coming back. She stops moving, though, and I can tell she’s losing the will to fight. It’s by the way her lips are parted just so, and her breathing is quicker and she has that little crease in the center of her forehead.
“I don’t know what to do or say, or what to think. I feel crazy.” She stares at me wide eyed, her voice sounding hoarse. “Do you understand what that’s like? To be so stupid? To know I’m being stupid and setting myself up for you to hurt me again.”
“I won’t hurt you—” The truth rushes out of me in a single breath, but she doesn’t let me finish.
“But you did,” she says, cutting me off and rocking forward just slightly as she points out the obvious. “And you won’t even tell me why.” Her shoulders shudder, but she doesn’t cry, she holds her ground.
“I don’t want to lose you, Kat,” I manage to speak and peek up to look at her. I’m such a piece of shit. “I just want you. It’s the honest to God truth. I just want you.”
“I want you to quit,” she tells me and rocks on her feet to stand. She nods her head and visibly swallows. “You need to quit.” She stares at me, her emerald eyes pleading. Her body’s still, like she’s not breathing. Just waiting.
“It’s not that easy,” I say and God I wish she knew. I want to tell her everything, but I can’t risk it. I can’t leave right now. I just need time.
“It is that easy; you quit or leave.” I stare into her eyes that swirl with nothing but raw vulnerability, and hesitate.
“You’re giving me an ultimatum?” Even as I ask her, I know that’s what she’s doing.
She has no idea.
“I just need time.” I need her to just give me time. As soon as I’m out of this, I can do whatever she wants.
But not right now.
I can feel her slipping away. Every second that passes where I don’t tell her, she’s turning colder toward me. But she can’t know. No one can.
My lips part and I can feel my lungs still. The words are right there. Begging me, and desperate for her to hear. I need her more than anything.
“Kat.” I say her name but it’s so much more. It’s me begging for her to love me blindly, to trust that I love her and that I’d never do anything to hurt her.
I can’t. I can’t risk losing her, and I won’t do it.
My mouth closes and I turn away from her, running my hand over my face.
“Get out,” Kat states and her voice hitches at the end. I turn to see her cover her face.
The next bit happens so fast. It’s a blur as I close the distance between us. It only takes three steps, but by the time my arms wrap around her, she’s pushing me away. Her hands slam into my chest. She tries to knock me back, but only manages to throw herself off-balance instead.
I grip her hips to steady her, but she slaps me. Hard across the face and the sting catches me by surprise.
I flex my jaw as she screams at me to get out. Her body’s shaking. The sinful mix of hatred and betrayal ring in the air between us.
How the hell did I let this happen?
“Do you really want me out?” I ask her, genuinely not knowing anymore. I don’t know at what point I lost her completely. There’s only so many times I can ask her to give me everything while I hold back.
I guess I should be more surprised it hasn’t happened sooner.
Rubbing my jaw as I take a step back, I give her the only bit of space I’m willing to offer. “I know you still love me,” I tell her and watch as she rips her eyes from me. Her face is blotchy and red and her breathing is frantic.
But she calms as she stands there not able to answer me. That’s all I needed. Just a little bit. Please, Kat. Just hold on a little while longer.
“Just tell me the truth,” she begs me and I wish I could. I feel my throat tighten and my body tense. My hands clench as I swallow.
“I didn’t sleep with her.” I answer without wasting a second and even I don’t believe my words. But it’s not what she thinks. I wish I could tell her, but the moment she finds out, everything will be at risk.
“Why don’t I believe you?” she says and I don’t have the decency to answer.
“I swear, Kat.”
“So you’ve never slept with her?” she asks me and I know it’s over. Her expression changes and her eyes darken when the silence stretches too long. So many secrets have built up. Too many to hide. She was never supposed to know. “Since we’ve been married,” I start to say, knowing I’m toeing the line of truth, “I’ve never slept with anyone. Never kissed anyone but you.” I look her in the eyes so she can see it’s the truth. “The day I put that ring on your finger, it was only you.”