Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 64493 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 258(@250wpm)___ 215(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64493 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 258(@250wpm)___ 215(@300wpm)
I poured two glasses of water and slid one across the island.
Nolan ignored the water. He crossed and uncrossed his arms, eyeing me warily. “We just made summer weird, didn’t we?”
I gave a wry half laugh. “I can live with a little weirdness. I’ve wanted to do that for a long-ass time.”
His mouth hung open. “Really?”
“Really.” I gulped my water and filled my glass again. “I’m not proud of the way I left, and I’m not proud of the reasons I stayed away. But I’ve thought about you…a lot.”
“Then why didn’t you just call like a normal person?”
“I was scared, man. Fucking terrified,” I admitted, raking my fingers through my hair.
“Of what?”
“You. Me. I had a path out of here and you…you scared me. I didn’t know what to do with wanting something or someone other than hockey, so I tried to forget. I threw myself into the game. I left everything on the ice, and it showed. I was a beast. The press and the fans couldn’t get enough of me. They applauded my ruthlessness and they loved my energy. They said I was fierce and brave…like some kind of Polish American Viking. A berserker.”
“You were pretty amazing. Scarier than I remembered.”
“You watched my games?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
I filed that away for later. I was on a roll with feelings “stuff” and I wanted to unleash it all before I chickened out.
“I wanted to be scary. I wanted to be the guy who tore up the ice, rocked my opponents, put on a show. But the real me? The kid from Elmwood?” I sighed heavily. “I was fucking terrified of that kid. Terrified, Nol.”
“He was a brave kid too.”
“He was a fuckin’ pussy and a selfish asshole,” I scoffed. “He wanted out of this town, he wanted to play pro hockey, and he wanted to be…straight. That’s it.”
“Two out of three isn’t bad,” he quipped.
My lips twisted in a sardonic almost smile. “You know, I punched a hole in a wall at a Renaissance Inn in Vancouver the night Ronnie told me you came out.”
He frowned. “Really? Why?”
“Jealous? Confused? Dunno. I kept my cool on the phone with him, but I was a fucking wreck. I hated the idea of you being with another man. Hated it. It tore me up inside for weeks. Maybe longer. It was easier thinking you were like me and maybe you’d find some nice girl to marry, have babies, and do cool things on the West Coast than to imagine you with…”
I couldn’t finish the sentence. I swallowed hard and sipped my water instead.
Nolan shook his head in dismay. “You’re impossible.”
“Huh?”
“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that, you fucking dick. It’s nice to know I wasn’t alone, but Jesus, I could have used it years ago.”
“I just…wasn’t ready to—”
“I know. You didn’t have to come out for me, Vin. You didn’t have to do anything special. You could have just said, ‘Hey, Nol. It was a good thing, bad timing.’ Or something…anything,” he huffed in exasperation.
“Did I mention I was scared shitless? Dude. I’d break into a cold sweat every night, worried I’d get cut from my team. And ’cause I was seventeen, I worried about what my friends would think. What would Ronnie think? What would your dad think?”
“My dad wouldn’t have cared, Vinnie. He would’ve supported you.”
“Maybe. I couldn’t take that chance.” I blew out a breath when my voice trembled. “Christ, your parents took me in, included me at family gatherings, and I repaid them by trading hand jobs with their son? Yeah, not brave enough. No way.”
Nolan tilted his chin. “I understand. I do. We were young, and Dad was…formidable.”
“He was the fucking best man I’ve ever known,” I rasped. “I love my father, but we both know I was invisible to him when I was a kid. Especially after my mom died. We didn’t get each other, and we didn’t know how to try. Your dad made an effort. It was always easy to be with him. I wanted to impress him, show off for him, be someone he’d notice. I had visions of him cutting me off…and I couldn’t handle it. See? I was so fucking selfish. Such a fuckin’ coward.”
“Vinnie…”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I used to hope you’d take one of the extra tickets I sent him for my games. I used to look for you in the stands. Stupid, huh? I know what you’re gonna say. I should have called, I should have come home, I should have—”
“Shh. You’re here now. Let the rest go.” Nolan closed the distance and wrapped me in his arms.
I blinked away tears and rested my temple against his, then kissed his cheek as I pulled away. “What now?”
“That depends on you. If you came home for forgiveness, you have it. If you’re looking for solace, you’ll find it here. This is your town. Every door is open, everyone here wishes you well—and not because of your stats or your impressive career. You’re one of us. That means something.”