Total pages in book: 141
Estimated words: 134531 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 673(@200wpm)___ 538(@250wpm)___ 448(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 134531 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 673(@200wpm)___ 538(@250wpm)___ 448(@300wpm)
She was all I had.
Preston and I had tried for another for years. Or so he thought. It was the one single thing I hid from him. The thing he very well might kill me for if he ever found my secret stash of birth control pills. It was the one risk I took. The one act of rebellion I took against him.
I would not bring another child into our home. I got lucky with Violet. She was sweet. Caring. Not a mean bone in her body. I couldn’t risk it with another. I was terrified if I had a boy, what his father might turn him into.
In this one singular way, the universe looked after me. He had never found the pills.
“You’re an empty nester now,” Karen grinned. “Welcome to the club.”
Most of the women I lunched with had children in college or beyond and were older than me by ten years. I’d had Violet young, and Luanne never failed to bring that up.
“Well, she doesn’t have to be,” the woman in question said. “You’re what…” she trailed off, eyes inspecting me as if I were a strange specimen, not someone she had lunch with twice a week for the past six years. “Thirty-eight now? That’s not too late.”
“Thirty-six,” I corrected, which she well knew. I also looked a lot younger than that, thanks to a religious skincare routine and the only good thing my mother gave me: her genes.
Luanne acted as if I never spoke. “Preston tells Tom all the time how he’s planning on another one with you. He wants a boy this time.” Her face softened into faux pity. “I know you two have had some trouble conceiving, but I told Tom to give him the name of the best IVF doctor in the state. Preston was going to surprise you with the appointment.” She smiled like an alligator, presenting personal information at a table of ravenous women in a feeding frenzy. “He knows how much you want another, and I expect all he wants to do is to make you happy.”
My smile was frozen on my face.
There it was. My one victory over Preston. The one thing I could hold on to. The last shred of control I had, gone.
There was no way I could get out of the appointment. I wasn’t sure what kind of tests the doctor would do, if they would be able to tell I was on hormonal birth control. Even if they couldn’t, they’d likely be able to tell Preston there was nothing wrong with me. No explanation as to why we weren’t getting pregnant. He’d argue, of course. He was good at that. He’d order them to go ahead with IVF, make sure I got pregnant.
And that was best case.
Worst case was he somehow found out about the birth control. Violet was not home anymore. She wasn’t due to come home for another six months. He wouldn’t hold back.
My hands went clammy.
Nicole’s covered mine. “Sweetie?” she asked in real concern.
I blinked the table back into focus. The women were all staring at me.
“Oh, dear. I really did ruin the surprise,” Luanne said with a smile. “I hope you’re happy about this? I could tell Tom to talk to Preston, give you some time.”
“No!” I yelled, just the thought of what would come of that conversation sending bile up my throat.
Even Luanne looked shocked at my outburst. I did not yell. I spoke in soft tones, barely audible, really.
I scrambled for my purse. “I just, um, I forgot about… dry cleaning,” I spluttered, standing from the table. I was the meek little mouse who only squeaked, never roared.
I spilled my iced tea once I got my purse, my throat closing up. “I’m sorry,” I apologized, mopping it with my napkin.
My skin was hot. Too tight. I needed to escape. “I’m… um. I’ve got to go.” I smiled tightly at the women who were watching me carefully. “I forgot about a waxing appointment.” The lie didn’t come out smoothly or convincing, but it didn’t matter at that point.
“We’ll do lunch next week, you can tell us all about the doctor appointment,” Luanne said, stretching her lips wide. Her husband would be hearing about this ‘outburst’ the second he got home.
I nodded tightly. “Of course.”
Then I turned on my heel and calmly walked out of there, got into my car and didn’t stop driving.
I was in Manchester.
Three hours away from the small, wealthy town of Carver Springs, New Hampshire, where I’d lived all my life. I’d never, not once, been this far away without Preston. We traveled, sure. Trips for the summer. Italy. Spain. France. Always with a group, either his parents or his business buddies.
But I never went anywhere alone. He kept my passport locked in his safe.
It was in Manchester that I realized what I was doing. That it had been three hours since lunch. Preston would be home in another hour. Maybe two if he was having drinks at the club as he did more and more often these days.