Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
He steps back to the chest of drawers and tosses more clothes into the bag. "No, it wasn't."
I fist the comforter. Maybe he just doesn't want me here.
"He knows you're pregnant, Tor!” The breath in my lungs seizes as an intense fear grips me. My stomach clenches violently, and I press my hand over it. Jude takes a pained breath. "How the fuck does he know you're pregnant?"
I shake my head. "I don't... fuck! It must have been the doctors. I knew that was a fucking bad idea. What did he say?" I whisper. I'm not sure I want to know, but I need to. I need to know what has Jude so spooked.
He paces, dragging his fingers through his thick hair. "We're leaving. It is my job to protect you." His eyes fall to my stomach, skimming over the small bump. "Both of you. I can't let you do something that could end up with you getting hurt, Tor. I just can't."
"What did he say?" I repeat, my voice soft.
He hesitates, then caves. "I'm afraid he's gonna try to take the baby." He resumes pacing. "He said he was gonna take the baby to replace the one I took from him, which I don't know what the hell he's talking about..."
Oh, fuck. "His wife," I breathe. "She was pregnant."
He stops mid-stride, his face going pale. "What?"
"He said..." I glance down at my hands. "He said she was pregnant when you killed her.
“I didn't kill her," he whispers as he sits on the edge of the bed, dragging his hands down his face. "Fuck." Resting his arms on his knees, he holds the sides of his head and drops his chin to his chest. "She wasn't even supposed to be fucking there." His jaw tenses. "It was supposed to be Joe," he shouts. "Then none of this shit would have even fucking happened!
"I don't care if you did." I narrow my eyes at him. "Don't you dare feel an ounce of fucking guilt, Jude. That man deserves to have everything he loves taken from him. He certainly doesn't deserve your guilt or pity. He's the monster other monsters run from. Never forget that."
His gaze meets mine, and there's a beat of silence. "We're leaving," he says sternly. He stands and continues shoving items into the bag.
"He's calling your bluff, trying to flush you out." In my time with Joe I learned a thing or two about him.
"I know Joe. I know how he thinks. What makes him tick...."
"No, Tor. I'm done playing fucking games with him."
He zips the bag and drops it to the floor. Appealing to his rationality isn't going to work, so I move on and appeal to his heart.
I bite my lip and force myself to tell him how I feel. "Please, Jude. I don't want to be apart from you. I don't..." I steel myself. "I don't feel safe without you." Jude can be overbearing, and bossy, and downright bloody irritating, but he also makes me feel whole. He does protect me, but he can't protect me if I'm not with him.
He turns from me, grabbing the sides of his head as he dips his chin to his chest. This is his weakness. I know it, and I'm a horrible person for exploiting it, but I am not being packed off to some island while he goes off half-cocked, to war with Joe.
"Tor..."
I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. "Please," I whisper.
His back is to me and I can see his shoulders rise and fall from each hard breath he drags in. "I've lost everything. You are all I have. Please, for the love of fucking God, Tor, just let me keep you."
He's not hearing me, so I try another angle, the real reason I still don't want to leave, because no matter how much I think I'm okay, I'm not. I will never be okay until I watch that man die. This baby, it's a future for Jude and I, but what can I possibly offer her? I'm half a person, still tormented and damaged in too many ways to ever be a mother to anyone. Killing Joe, I need it, so I can move on and have a life with Jude.
"Jude, you told me that the only way to heal was to take revenge. Don't try and take that from me. Don't try and send me away. I will never forgive you for it."
He spins around, his face angry, red. "Really? You won't forgive me?" He stomps toward me. "That's fucking fine. I'd rather you be pissed off at me and beg your forgiveness than you ending up dead."
I rake my fingers into my hair and rest my forehead on my knees. "Jude, I have come as close to death as it fucking gets. I'm not dead yet. Why am I running now?"