Total pages in book: 235
Estimated words: 224334 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1122(@200wpm)___ 897(@250wpm)___ 748(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 224334 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1122(@200wpm)___ 897(@250wpm)___ 748(@300wpm)
I choke on thin air and stop abruptly just inside the entrance of Green Park, going to the nearest tree and holding the trunk, breathing through the panic. I’m not asleep. I’m wide awake. My nightmares that eased off when I met Ava are back with a vengeance. Why? And why are they haunting me when I’m awake too? Stronger. More vivid. More real. Why?
I bunch my fist and hit the tree trunk, cursing when pain shoots up my arm. I’m at a loss. How do I navigate this mess and come out the other side with Ava still loving me?
Marry her.
I laugh at the obscenity, which is a good indication of what Ava would think if I were to ask. There’s no way she’d agree. Agreeing to living arrangements was a big enough drama.
I stare at the bark on the tree, my mind circling. And it returns to the same thing over and over.
The natural progression. The right order to do things.
* * *
When I get back to Lusso, Ava hasn’t moved. I shower and get ready for my early morning meeting, watching her the whole time, wishing I could leave for work and return and find her still here. Instead, I have to let her go out into a world that’s hell-bent on taking her from me. I button my black shirt and tuck it into my trousers, zipping myself up as I wander to the bed and lower to the edge beside her, spending some precious time stroking her cheek. How very different this morning is from yesterday. I dip and kiss her forehead, her nose, her cheek, feeling her beginning to stir. “I love you,” I whisper, going to her mouth and devoting some time there. “Wake up, my beautiful girl.”
Her eyes blink open and she spreads her body out, stretching. “What time is it?” she asks, her voice grainy.
“You’re fine, it’s only six thirty.” She smells so good, like the best mix of her and me all tangled up in the sheets. “I’ve got a few early supplier meetings at The Manor. I needed to see you before I go.”
Hooking her arms over my shoulders, she hauls me down, hugging me, settling, sighing. “My eyes don’t have to be open for you to see me.”
No, but I needed to look into her eyes. Hopefully one day she’ll understand. “Come and have breakfast with me.” I don’t give her an opportunity to object, standing and taking her with me, loving the feel of every one of her limbs curled tightly around me. “You’re creasing me.”
“Put me down then,” she says as I carry her down to the kitchen.
“Never.”
“I don’t need a reminder fuck. You can still come to lunch.”
“Mouth.” My laugh is light and quiet. She’s cute. “I’m sorry. I really needed to see you before I go.” I set her on the counter.
“You woke up in the night.”
Oh fuck. “I did?”
“You don’t remember?”
I laugh on the inside, with no humor at all. Remember? Unfortunately, yes. “No.” But I play it down. I have to play it down. I don’t know how much she saw. What she heard. Move on. Be cool. It was nothing. “What do you want for breakfast?” I evade her eyes and go to the fridge. “Eggs, bagel, fruit?”
“You said you need me.”
I swallow, my eyes stuck on the jar of peanut butter on the top shelf. “And?” I murmur. “I say that when I’m awake.” Please drop it, Ava.
“You said you were sorry.”
For more than she’ll ever know. “I’ve said that when I’m awake too.” I face her, and I hate her apprehension. I need to ease that.
I force a smile, and I have no idea how when every fear and feeling I felt when I woke up this morning has returned. “Ava, I was probably having a bad dream,” I say, casual. “I don’t remember.” I quickly turn away before my expression betrays me.
“You were just a bit frantic. I was worried.”
God damn me. I swing the door shut, frustrated, not with her, but with myself, and I go to her, wondering how the fuck I ease her worry without somehow increasing it. I get close, nestling myself between her spread thighs and hold her hands. “Stop worrying about what I say in my sleep,” I order gently. “Did I say I didn’t love you?”
Poor thing looks so confused. “No.”
“That’s all that matters.” My love for her. Love is the answer. I kiss her, breathing her into me, and when I withdraw, I’m quite sure I don’t like the expression on her face.
“That wasn’t normal,” she says with an edge of impatience. “And I’m getting pissed off hearing that tone. You either talk, or I’m gone.”
I stare at her, flummoxed.
“What’s it to be?”
I have a choice? Because right now it feels like any answer I give will be fatal. “You said you’d never leave me.”