Total pages in book: 235
Estimated words: 224334 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1122(@200wpm)___ 897(@250wpm)___ 748(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 224334 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1122(@200wpm)___ 897(@250wpm)___ 748(@300wpm)
Her nod doesn’t comfort me. She’s not okay. I’m not okay. Can we ever be okay again? I shake my head and hold her nape as I walk to the door, taking deep breathes, preparing myself to face the spectators. I’m also trying to calm the rising anger. My emotion, my despair, my fury, it’s all mixing up, my head feeling like it’s going to detonate.
I stride out of my office, and when I round the corner, I find members still hanging around, gathered in small crowds, whispering and talking. “John,” I call, and every set of eyes turn our way. I ignore them, as well as the unwelcome intakes of shocked breath.
“How’s the girl?”
“How does she fucking look?” I snap, irritated, although that irritation is all for me. And my friend knows that, which is probably why he’s not calling me out on it. “Get a cotton sheet from the cleaning quarters.”
“Ava?” Kate appears, her eyes nailed to the wounds, her mouth hanging open. “Oh, fucking hell. What have you done, you stupid cow?”
“I’m taking her home.” I pass quickly. “She’s fine, I’ll call you.”
“Jesse, she’s bleeding.”
“I know, Kate. I fucking know.” Does she think I’m fucking blind? “I’ll call you.”
I walk on, my face tight, everyone moving out of my way. Good, because the urge to set Ava down and annihilate everything in my path is strong. I could easily sweep through The Manor with an ax and destroy it room by room.
I close my eyes and refocus on my breathing, but when I open them, all air disappears from my lungs along with my words of reason. I see Steve visibly swallow. “Jesse, mate, I didn’t know.”
Kill him. I stop in my tracks and stare at the man who violated Ava and, in the process, signed his death sentence. “You want to be thanking all that’s fucking holy I’ve got my girl in my arms, because if I didn’t, the cleaners would be scooping up your remains for a fucking year.”
“I . . . I . . . I didn’t know.”
Is he for real? “No one told you she was mine?”
“I . . . I assumed . . . I . . .”
My control is gone. My sense gone. “She’s mine!” I bellow, needing the world to know it. I’m done with life without her. I’m through with being the predictable man I’ve always been. Now, I’m unpredictable. My feelings are unpredictable. My reactions unpredictable. These days, I don’t even know what I’m doing myself until I’ve done it. Don’t know what I’m saying until I’ve said it.
But it all comes naturally, and I’ll be damned if I can stop it. I’m a madman, and as I gaze around at the people staring on, watching me heaving with Ava clinging to my front, I realize they’re all thinking I’m a madman too.
I feel Ava shift slightly in my hold, registering a mild whimper. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, not knowing what I’m apologizing for. Everything? “You’re a fucking dead man, Steve,” I growl, the seesaw of emotions inside me tilting back to murderous. How easy it would be to let loose and crush him. Would I feel any better? After all, is there really anyone to blame here except me?
John steps forward, obviously wary, obviously sensing the beast is about to be unleashed. “Jesse?” he says, extending a raised palm, like, cool down. “S’all good. Priorities, yeah?”
Priorities. I push on, walking to the car, Kate tailing me, fussing and faffing, to the point I have to tell her to back off.
She’s suddenly in front of me, her look fierce. “Stop being such a pigheaded twat and accept the fucking help.” She thrusts her hand forward. “You’re not the only one who cares about her.”
I breathe in my patience, relenting. “My keys are in my back pocket.”
Kate’s behind me quickly, rummaging through urgently. I can feel the sea of curious eyes behind me, and I turn to find some members have followed us outside.
“Everyone needs to fuck off back inside.” I’m not even attempting to move Ava until the peanut gallery has pissed off. Not just to save my sanity, but to save her dignity.
John starts shooing people away, tossing lethal glares here and there, and as soon as everyone is back inside, I start the painful task of getting Ava in my car. Her grip of me relaxes, and I take my time, watching for signs of pain as I give her instructions, before I grab the sheet from John and lay it over her. Fuck the seat belt. I shut the door and hurry around, settling in the driver’s seat. Her eyes are closed. And then . . . not.
Fuck me, just look at her. My defiant, savage beauty. Her dark eyes are brimming again, mirroring the hopelessness in mine. “Stop,” I demand, my voice strained, my eyes stinging. I can’t stand to see her crying anymore. But I’m not just telling her. I’m telling myself.