Total pages in book: 64
Estimated words: 61922 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 310(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61922 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 310(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Geez, Raine was going to kill me, and Alistair…oh, my fucking God, I’d let him down. I’d embarrassed him. I’d asserted myself in all the wrong ways and had let petty jealousy take over. This wasn’t a tacky reality show where exes and new lovers duked it out for ratings. This was top-tier, mega-academic, internationally important stuff, and I’d just gone Jerry Springer on their collective asses.
I wanted to disappear, pack my bag, and hop the first flight home.
I wanted to stay and find out what the hell Colin was trying to pull. How dare he take shots at Alistair and at me…and—
Oh, fuck.
Of course, this was the perfect time for the heavens to open up.
Not just a drizzle or a few drops, either. This was real rain. I glanced around quickly and realized I had no idea where I was. I stood on a corner and mapped out my location on my cell, head bent, eyes watering, rain ferociously slashing the sky. My phone was getting wet, and my nose was running. I was so done, it wasn’t funny.
So when the light turned, I absently stepped from the curb into a puddle with pond-like aspirations…and immediately burst into tears.
Yep, this was me falling apart in the most beautiful city in the world. This was me making mistakes, overstepping boundaries, and revealing faults and insecurities like badges of honor. This was me coming to terms with endings.
Guess what? This was a big city, folks. No one noticed, no one cared. I was just one more starry-eyed idiot who’d hoped a month in Paris would change my life. It had. My world had opened up, but sadly, I was still me.
And I knew how this would play out. Alistair would wave off my apologies as if becoming unhinged at an important conference was sort of normal. Or as if he figured he deserved to be sabotaged by an inappropriate lover. He’d rally and retreat to his books and rocks and relics, and life would go back to usual…and he’d forget about me.
Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but eventually, I’d be nothing more than a blip in time.
That was unbearably sad.
By some act of God, I was able to hail a taxi. I typed my address on my cell and showed it to the driver to avoid any language barrier confusions. Then I took my hat off and finger-combed my hair as I watched rivulets of rain water make patterns on the window. My throat felt so tight. I couldn’t keep all this negative juju inside, or I’d combust.
So I did what I probably should have done weeks ago…I called Raine to confess my sins.
He answered on the third ring, sounding groggy and half-asleep. Shit.
“Win?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry. I thought you were home now.”
“I am. We just got in a few hours ago. I’m jet-lagged for sure, but Graham is at the office, catching up on—”
“I fucked up,” I interrupted.
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you name it, I did it. His socks didn’t match, he’s worn the same sweater for days, I ate his cookies, and then I got into a tussle with a prick who I think I’m jealous of, and to top it off, I got kicked out of the conference. Yes, me….kicked out. It’s just…all bad, and I’m sorry.”
The silence on the line was deafening. Just when I thought Raine had hung up on me, I heard a snort of laughter.
“You got kicked out?” He snickered.
“This isn’t funny. It’s serious. Alistair is dealing with this on his own, and I should be with him, maturely, not throwing punches or making trouble. I’m embarrassed, and I’m sorry.” Again…quiet. “Raine? Are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m…you called him Alistair. That’s not the first time, either.”
I didn’t bother fighting my tears now. They cascaded down my cheeks faster than I could swipe them away. I sniffed loudly, avoiding the taxi driver’s curious glance in the rearview mirror. “Y-yes, I know.”
“Oh, Win…tell me everything, honey.”
“No, I can’t.”
“Did something happen?” he asked gently.
“Yes. He’s a good man, and I really…I really wish I could be a good man for him.”
“You and…the professor, huh? That’s…I didn’t see that coming.”
I stared out the window, unseeing, and sighed. “Me either.”
“What will you do?”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “I don’t know.”
What could I do? I’d already fucked everything up by falling in love.
15
WINNIE
“Winnie?” A door opened and closed, footsteps padded toward the bedroom.
“I’m not here.”
Alistair knocked on the bathroom door once and turned the knob, cocking his head curiously. “What are you doing?”
“Shame-eating Jammie Dodgers. I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I’m so sorry.”
Commence Operation Apology.
Alistair crouched next to me on the floor. “Don’t be. Are you all right?”
“Well, I stepped in a puddle and ruined my shoes, then left my hat in my Uber and had to chase after it for a block. It was cold, so I took a shower and got distracted by cookies. It happens. I understand why you like these things now.” I held up a cookie. “They’re pretty good.”