Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 82341 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82341 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
“Samesies,” his wife, Shelby, said. “Clearly it was your sperm. Just saying.”
“Men? Gee thanks, Dad,” MJ muttered. “Lesbian erasure much?”
“Shh,” Neckie said. “If you start arguing, you’ll stop massaging my feet, and this feels really good.”
Beck Wilde looked around the room in similar awe. “I thought your family was homophobic and that’s why you had to marry a woman,” he said to his partner, Quinn. “Like… I don’t get it. You’re from the gayest family who ever worshipped Gaga.”
Jude sat up from where he’d been leaning against Derek’s shoulder. “Beck, holy crap. I just realized we’re related now.”
“Are you though?” Winnie Wilde asked while trying to wipe off the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups crumbles that had fallen onto her chest from Granny Sweet Nuts when Irene had walked by her earlier. More to herself than anyone else, she asked, “Is it rude to eat candy off your own shirt in public?”
“Not if you share,” Hallie asked, reaching over to grab a big chunk off her sister’s boob. “If only my boobs were big enough to collect snacks from passersby.”
Derek chimed in. “Beck’s grandpa-in-law—”
Augie giggled. “We don’t need no stinkin’ Stevie to bust a rhyme.”
Derek ignored the little drunkard. “Beck’s grandpa-in-law is Jude’s great-uncle.”
“My head hurts,” Dante Marian muttered. “Angel, I’m waiting for you to do me like that hottie silver fox did to Stevie.”
AJ’s eyes lit up. “Done.” He stood up and swooped his man into his arms fast enough to make Dante squeak. “Later, dudes,” AJ said with a nod before disappearing down one of the hallways.
West eyed Nico. “What say we—”
Nico cut him off with a raised palm. “No way. We’re in this until the last Marian-Wilde horks over the balcony railing. This is going to be the night that bards talk about in generations to come.”
Charlie reached over for a high five. “Couldn’ta said it better m’self.”
Hudson grinned like an idiot at his husband. “You’re so beautiful when you talk Irish. Isn’t he beautiful? He’s so…”
“Yeah, we know, Hud. The man’s a treat,” Brenda’s daughter, Katie, said with a sigh of longing. “Whatever happened to the plan where you two were going to take me and Web over to Ireland so we could find our own redheaded lovers?”
Web opened his eye from his spot on the sofa. “No gingers. Not after the last one.”
“Hey,” Blue cried. “I resemble that remark.” He set down the bowls of something or other on the table by the nuts.
Tristan yanked him down onto his lap in the wide leather chair. “Gingers give the best hea—”
“Stop it right there,” Maverick called across the space. “Don’t want to hear about my brother’s oral talents.”
“I do,” Beau muttered from Mav’s shoulder. “Give a man some wank material please.”
Mav gave his husband a look. “You need wank material?”
Beau was transfixed by the gorgeous man he’d known practically his whole life. The man who’d only the day before surprised him with a private picnic and hot-air balloon ride over the vineyard.
“Never,” he sighed with a goofy smile. “I just look under the covers at your hot bod and—”
“Things are getting out of hand,” Griff said to Sam. “I love it.”
Sam ran his fingers into Griff’s crazy curls. “It’s strange though. Usually you’re the instigator.”
“Right?” Nico called out.
“Or Aunt Tilly,” said shy little Ammon Marian, the newest member of the family and the only sober one there besides his sister Simone. “Or Granny.”
“True dat,” Irene said holding out her glass for a cheers with someone. Otto leaned in from his spot on a nearby pillow and clinked his whiskey glass against her Sweet Nuts shooter.
“Need a refill, gorgeous?” he asked her with a little slur. Granny scrambled up to defend her wife.
“Git your skanky paws off my woman, you big ole beefcake!” Okay, maybe the scrambling was a bit… slow-motion. But she eventually got up on her knees in Otto’s face and held her little knobby fists up like she was going to fight 1920s style. “Put up your dukes.”
Otto looked back at his husband Seth in drunken confusion. “I… I don’t know if I have dukes… Baby, do we have dukes?”
Seth’s eyes twinkled. “No. But maybe they sell them at the plastic banana store in San Francisco. I think we should check it out before we fly back to Hobie.”
Granny deflated. “Well, hell. We shoulda brought the Love Junk. Coulda made a killing.”
Noah rolled his head off Luke’s shoulder long enough to glare at Granny. “If you’re going to lecture me again about getting out of the dildo business, zip it.”
Luke pulled Noah’s head back down on his shoulder. “Shh. I don’t have the energy to pull you off her again tonight. Plus we’re out of Neosporin.”
Granny shot him the bird.
Teddy lifted his hand as if in a classroom. “Hold up. Jamie and I have enough of a personal collection of Love Junk, we could probably—”