Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 140742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 704(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 704(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
“I know it’s not my fault, but—”
“No, Josslyn. I won’t let you feel guilty over something my…” He pauses and swallows. “Over something a person did who clearly needed help—the kind of help you could not have provided.”
Unbidden tears fill my eyes and I blink rapidly, turning my face to rub my shoulder before any fall. Finn breathes heavily and cups my face so I’m looking up at him again, and brings his forehead to mine.
“I could have lost you,” he says hoarsely. “I could have lost you before we even…” He slides his hand from my face to the nape of my neck, gripping it gently. “You couldn’t have changed anything. I won’t let either of us feel guilty about things we weren’t responsible for.”
“Okay,” I whisper as I kiss him. When I pull away, his eyes are still closed. “What about your mother?”
His eyes pop open. “What about her?”
“Will you forgive her?”
He pulls away and lies on his back with a heavy sigh. I scoot closer, placing my head on his chest. “I doubt it.”
“She was doing the best she could.”
He scoffs. “That’s a stretch.”
“I’m not agreeing with it, but our actions are a reflection of our experiences, and your parents are … messed up.”
“We’ll have to disagree on that,” he says, running his fingers on my scalp. “You can argue that I’m messed up and I would never do what my mother did.”
“How can you know that?” I ask, shifting to look him in the eye. “You don’t know what you would have done. What she did was wrong. There’s no argument there, but her daughter was sick and she thought locking her up in an institution overseas would help her get better. There was no reason for her to think she’d get out or come back.”
“Josie.” He sighs. “There’s no reality in which I would be okay with this. Maybe if you hadn’t been in danger. Maybe if you hadn’t gotten hurt. Maybe. And still, I don’t know. I’m not the forgiving type. I’m not you.”
I stare at him for a long moment, and silently concede. He’s right. He’s not me, and I accept him for exactly who he is. My own experiences give me a different perspective in this situation, but it doesn’t mean I’m right. I imagine my mother would probably have taken the same course of action as his, but she wouldn’t have lied to our loved ones about it. She would have sought help for me while making me own up to what I’d done. But then again, my mother is nothing like Eliza Barlow.
My mind replays the expression on her face when she thanked me the day of her birthday, and for the millionth time, I wonder if it was a lie. I don’t think it was. She seemed thrown off by my presence and a little confused by her own reaction to me. She messed up, but I know she felt it was her only option.
If Finn doesn’t want to have a relationship with her, I won’t push it. It’s not like they were close to begin with. No matter what happens, I’m on his side. No one else’s. I place a kiss on his pec and turn around in his arms to lie on my side. We lie there for a long time before he breaks the comfortable silence between us.
“What would you say if I asked you to marry me?” Finn asks, dropping a soft kiss on my shoulder.
My heart stops. “Are you proposing?”
“No.” He smiles against my skin. “I’m just wondering what you’d say if I did.”
“Doesn’t that take the fun out of it?” I ask as I tilt my face to look at him.
His eyes narrow slightly. “No.”
I laugh and turn in his arms. “What do you think I’d say?”
“Yes. Obviously.”
“You’re so certain.” I lean in to kiss him, but he backs away. “I love that for you.”
He stares at me. “You’d say no?”
“I guess you’ll have to find out when you actually propose,” I say, barely holding back my amusement.
“But you love me,” he says slowly, cautiously, as if scared I’d take those words back.
“I do.”
“And we live together now.”
“We do.”
He frowns. “So, why wouldn’t you say yes?”
“A lot of people love each other and live together and never get married.”
He scowls. “That’s bullshit.”
“It is not bullshit.” I laugh. “Some people don’t want to get married. I’m shocked you would.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah. I mean, I don’t need a lavish wedding or anything, but I’d like to marry the person I’m going to have kids with.”
“Which is me.”
“So sure about yourself,” I say, yelping when he leans in and bites my lip. “Finneas!”
His eyes darken. “I’m going to fuck you until you admit it.”
“Hm.” I shift and stretch, smiling up at him when he lifts up and cuffs my wrists over my head. “We’ll see.”