What I Should’ve Said Read Online Max Monroe

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Angst, Contemporary Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 101398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 507(@200wpm)___ 406(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
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A hurricane of emotion floods my throat, and I bite the inside of my cheek so hard to keep it in check that the faint taste of blood touches my tongue.

“Well…” I pause, trying to find the right words. “I think heaven…” My bottom lip starts to quiver, and I suck it into my mouth to make it quit. “I think heaven is…like being around all the things that make you happy…but in one place.”

“You think you can watch sunsets in heaven?”

“Yeah, baby, I do.” I nod and tenderly rub her hand, careful not to squeeze. “And I even think if you want the sunsets to be pink, they’ll be pink.”

“Pink sunsets are the best,” she says, and her mouth just barely lifts into a smile. “When I don’t have to stay inside the house, Dad and I watch the sunsets together. I really hate when I have to miss them because I’m too sick to go outside.”

How fucking awful. I never make a point to be angry at God, but it’s hard when I think about Summer and the many obstacles she’s had to overcome in her short life. Her disease has prevented her from having a normal childhood. It’s made her face more pain than most people will ever face in their lifetime.

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, and yet this little girl, this special, beautiful little creature with the sweetest soul I’ve ever come in contact with, has been carrying this burden since the day she was born.

“I bet you can run in heaven. As fast and as far as you want,” she whispers, a smile cresting her lips as her eyes start to fall closed. “I bet you can play at the playground… I bet your bones stay strong… And you can hug people as many times as you want, and they can hug you right back all the time…”

“I bet you can too,” I whisper back, one stupid tear slipping down my cheek.

“Don’t tell my dad I asked you that. It might make him sad,” she says, but her eyes stay closed, and her voice is thick with fatigue.

Before I can even answer, she’s asleep.

It’s all nearly too much.

Through quiet inhales and exhales of my lungs, I work to get myself together. And the entire time, I try really hard not to think about why a little girl in her condition would be asking me about heaven. Or why she doesn’t want me to tell her dad about it.

Once I’m certain she’s deep in sleep and I don’t feel like I’m going to bawl like a baby, I make my way out of Summer’s hospital room, tiptoeing as I pull the door gently closed behind me. Bennett stands on the other side of the hall, his back against the wall and his phone to his ear.

It’s not even ten seconds before he hangs up, though, saying, “Bye, Breezy” into the receiver.

“She fell asleep,” I update him as he shoves his phone into his pocket.

He nods and pushes away from the wall to meet me by her door. “I figured she wouldn’t be up for long with all the stuff they’ve got pumping in her right now.”

I try to smile softly, but after the conversation I just had with his daughter, it’s hard.

“You okay?” he asks, searching my face as he lifts one hand to brush a few strands of hair behind my ear. “I know you got back late last night, but you look a little more than tired.”

I try to smile again, but it feels like it’s creased with lies.

“What’s going on?” he pushes delicately, and my mind wars with itself on what to say. Between Summer and Josie finding the letter and me finding out the truth about Jezzy, I feel like my brain is a pinball machine.

But when I note the dark circles underneath his blue eyes and the pain that sits right behind them, it doesn’t feel like the right moment to tell him about the conversation I just had with Summer. Or that she asked me not to tell him. Bennett has enough to deal with as it is.

“Norah?” He places a gentle hand to my shoulder. “Did something happen?”

Did something happen? Sigh. It feels like too many somethings have happened.

“My night didn’t end when I left the Happy Trail parking lot,” I reveal. “When I got home last night, Josie was still up. She found the letter I got on my wedding day. She read it.”

“So, she knows the whole story now?”

“She knows the whole story, and I guess, so do I.” Tears fill my eyes. “She… Bennett, she thinks my mom killed my baby sister, Jezzy.”

Bennett pulls me into his arms, holding me in a tight embrace, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt safer than I do in his arms.



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