Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 99921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
I opened the wine while she took down glasses and kicked off her shoes. I’d told her I brought wine to wash down the cheesecake, but I needed it to settle my nerves. I rarely drank more than a glass of wine or beer, but tonight I might make an exception. It was time to come clean with her on some shit I hadn’t talked about in a long time.
Josie set the dessert between us and scooped a spoonful between her sexy lips. When she shut her eyes to savor the taste, I had to conjure up a picture of my grandmother to keep myself in check.
“Mmm… Try some,” she said. “It’s delicious.”
“I will. In a minute.” I took a long pull from my wine glass. “Listen, Jos. I had a great time this weekend. I didn’t mean to ruin it with what I said about our future.”
Josie set down her fork. “Can we even have one? I got upset with you for not considering it was possible. But realistically, what would that look like for us? I know you have no desire to ever leave Laurel Lake.”
“That’s not the problem. We could figure that shit out.”
“It’s not?”
I shook my head.
“Then what is?”
I took a deep breath. Vulnerability didn’t come easy to me. Josie must’ve sensed it.
She reached across the table and took my hand. “Talk to me. What is it?”
My other hand squeezed the wine glass. I had to make a conscious effort to relax or I’d be heading to the ER for stitches in my palm. But I had so much suppressed anger and guilt. Instead, I finished off the wine and refilled.
Josie squeezed my hand. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”
I looked her in the eyes. “I’ve lost two people that I loved.”
“Your brother and your fiancée?”
I nodded.
“I pulled back from people after my father died,” she said. “I understand it’s scary to get close after losing loved ones.”
I swallowed. “It’s more than that.”
She shook her head. “What is it then?”
“Both were my fault. If I’d been a better brother, a better boyfriend…”
Josie touched her chest, and her eyes filled with tears. “No. You can’t do that, Fox. You can’t carry the responsibility of someone’s death. Trust me, I did it, and I wound up in a very bad place. Do you know how many times I beat myself up? Why aren’t I a better scientist? Why didn’t I check for negative reactions against old vaccines? The one thing I learned from therapy is that guilt can either hold you back or teach you a lesson. It’s a choice only you can make. It’s not healthy to carry it with you. Guilt is like nourishment to a storm. The more you feed it, the stronger and more destructive it grows. Please don’t let it hold you back. Don’t let it keep you from being happy. Even if that’s not with me, Fox.”
“You’re the first thing that’s made me happy in a long time.”
Tears spilled over and tracked down Josie’s cheeks. I wiped them away. I wasn’t sure if it was seeing Josie upset or telling her why I’d shut down, but it felt like I’d torn a hole in my chest and bent back my ribs, leaving my heart beating under a giant open wound.
Josie got up from her chair and sat on my lap. She cupped my cheeks between her hands. “Take a chance. Take a chance with me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t deserve another chance. I don’t deserve you.”
“Oh, Fox. Don’t say that. You’re a beautiful man, inside as much as outside. You make me happy. I want to do the same for you. You said you like simple. Well, it’s as simple as this: Let me. And we’ll see if we can work.”
I swallowed and tasted salt. Deserving or not, this woman was all I wanted. “I don’t know what tomorrow looks like, Jos.”
“Who does? For the first time in my life, I want to do what feels right, what I want—not what I’m supposed to do or what might please someone else. Laurel Lake gave me that clarity. You gave me that clarity. I have no idea what the future looks like, but it feels like you’re worth taking a chance and figuring it out.”
I closed my eyes and nodded. When I opened them, the guilt didn’t disappear, but it seemed a little lighter. I’d also done enough talking for one night. With my mouth, that is. Well, unless my mouth was on this woman. “Can you forgive me for being an asshole?”
“Clearly. Since you’re an asshole most of the time.”
Cradling Josie in my arms, I stood. She yelped, but the smile was back on her face.
“What are you doing?”
“Gonna finish my apology…inside of you.”
CHAPTER 28
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