Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Jude got on with the show, trying hard to stay focused on putting on a good performance.
But everything he did reminded him of Shawn. It was lonely doing this on his own. He’d rather it was Shawn’s hand on his cock, or him bringing Shawn off for the camera—or without the camera. The exhibitionism of performing had been undeniably hot, but the connection they’d had when nobody was watching was even better.
As Jude edged himself closer to climax, fucking himself with his dildo and stroking his cock painfully slowly, he remembered teasing Shawn the last time they’d done stuff with an audience. He thought about how Shawn had loved Jude’s fingers in him, how he’d begged to come.
I’d let you fuck me.
Jude closed his eyes and imagined Shawn on his hands and knees, taking Jude’s cock, and that was what finally tipped him over the edge into a gasping, shuddering orgasm—a few minutes sooner than he’d intended.
“Fucking hell,” he gasped, so lost in his fantasy that he’d almost forgotten he was on camera. “That was intense.”
Nice load
That was hot
What were you thinking about?
Were you thinking about Chris?
It was only then that Jude wondered whether Shawn might be watching. Was it weird that he hoped he was?
“Yeah. I was thinking about him,” he said. “I was imagining fucking his tight arse and showing him how much he’d like it.”
It was Shawn’s loss that he’d never find that out now.
Jude finished up his show a little early. The usual emptiness descended when he cut the webcam, and it was worse than it had ever been before. He had a quick shower to clean up and then went on Netflix to find something funny to watch, hoping to distract himself from the heavy weight of loneliness that sat on his shoulders. But even his laughter at Arrested Development felt hollow and did nothing to lift his mood.
When he went to bed, it took ages for him to fall asleep even though he was tired. His thoughts kept circling back to Shawn and were full of regret and disappointment.
Shawn knew he shouldn’t have watched Jude’s show tonight. He felt guilty. It seemed even more of a violation now to allow himself to get turned on watching Jude, to jerk off to him wanking on-screen, when he wasn’t prepared to admit his feelings for him to anyone else. But he hadn’t been able to stop himself. Like an addict, desperate for a fix, it had been all he’d been able to think about as the time for Jude’s show crept closer.
Watching him going through the motions, it was obvious to Shawn that Jude’s heart wasn’t in it. He wondered whether the other watchers could tell too? Sure, he put on a good show. He teased them and got himself hard, but there was an emptiness to his expression; the spark of fun was missing.
It wasn’t until Jude got close to orgasm that he seemed to truly lose himself in the act. Shawn was jerking off too as he watched, waiting for Jude to come before he’d let himself join him. Jude squeezed his eyes shut when he came, shaking and gasping as he held the dildo deep inside himself, coating his hand with come. “Fucking hell. That was intense.” His voice was rough.
Still stroking his dick, close now, his focus entirely on Jude, Shawn wasn’t paying attention to the comments. Jude opened his eyes and focused on the screen. His lips twisted in an unhappy smile.
“Yeah. I was thinking about him.” Shawn didn’t need to check to know Jude was talking about him. “I was imagining fucking his tight arse and showing him how much he’d like it.”
“Fuck.” That mental image was all it took. Shawn came, thinking about that and exactly how much he wanted it.
Once the high of orgasm receded, Shawn felt lonely, guilty, and miserable.
He lay awake for hours, considering a possible future where he and Jude were together, thinking about how he’d handle coming out, and all the people he’d have to explain himself to.
Then anxiety came to join the mess of emotions clamouring for attention in his heart and head.
He couldn’t do it. Could he?
On Friday night, in an attempt to be sociable, Shawn emerged from his room. Hiding away had meant he didn’t have to deal with seeing Jude, but he missed the company of his other housemates.
Jez had noticed Shawn was quieter than usual; he was annoyingly perceptive like that. When he badgered Shawn to come down and play Mario Kart with him and Mac on Friday night, Shawn had agreed.
What Shawn didn’t know was that Jude was also part of this plan. He suspected Jude wasn’t aware that Shawn had been invited either, because there was a moment of awkwardness when he went into the living room to find Jez, Mac, and Jude on the sofa waiting for him. He paused for a beat longer than was socially acceptable.