Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Shawn’s brain imploded. That image made fireworks go off in his head and his balls. He pressed two fingers against his hole, gasping as his whole body tensed and released. Thick strings of come spilled from his cock as he watched Jude on-screen, joining him in an orgasm that seemed to go on and on until they were both shaking and panting.
“Fuck,” Jude said weakly, “that was a good one. I hope it was good for you too.” He held his hand up to the camera, a web of come linking his fingers. “So much jizz tonight. I’ll see you next time, guys. Sunday night, and don’t forget to check my profile and follow me on social media if that’s your thing. Tell your buddies where to find me. Sweet dreams.”
Jude loomed close to the camera, blew it a kiss, and then the feed went blank.
Alone in the silence of his room, Shawn came back from the heady fantasy to the cold reality of his situation. Seated in his desk chair, pants around his ankles, there was no way he could get away from the fact that he’d just masturbated over a video of his housemate.
His gay, male housemate.
And he’d come harder than he’d ever come in his life.
Fuck.
Shawn scrubbed himself clean in his second shower of the evening as though he could wash away the memory of what he’d done. His perception of himself had skewed, like a warped looking glass showing a reflection he didn’t recognise.
One wank over a dude doesn’t make me gay.
He glared at himself in the fogged bathroom mirror. He didn’t look any different. The world didn’t need to know.
Later that night, in bed, he pulled up Tumblr on his phone and looked through the posts he’d saved by liking them. All beautiful women, barely a man in sight. He rarely saved images with guys in them. He scrolled through the pictures, admiring soft curves, feminine nipples, vaginas. Despite his earlier orgasm, his cock responded. He couldn’t be bothered to jerk off again, but it was good to know that part of him hadn’t changed.
I still like girls.
But maybe I like guys too?
All the evidence from tonight seemed to point to that, but Shawn wasn’t sure what to do with the information. How could he not have realised before?
The answer was obvious…
Because you never let yourself.
Growing up, Shawn had been one of those boys who went through puberty late. Still embarrassingly small and skinny at fourteen, he’d been horribly self-conscious about his high voice and lack of height compared to his peers. He’d been teased—because some kids are stupid like that—but the words hurt.
Girly, sissy, gay, wimp.
When the testosterone fairy finally visited him and he had a growth spurt, Shawn started going to the gym, and he’d worked his body hard to make it change faster. He’d become aggressively competitive, lifting heavier weights and training harder than the other guys he knew. And when his newfound muscles and confidence started to earn him the attention of girls, Shawn had thrown himself into dating, proving himself that way too.
When he left school, he launched himself into the social scene at university with the same attitude and worked his way through a string of girls until he settled down with Beth for while. And all that time, if he ever found himself looking at another guy in the changing rooms or in the weight room at the gym, he’d convinced himself it was envy, not admiration.
Denial was a powerful thing.
Sighing, Shawn put his phone aside. He turned his lamp off and lay in the darkness. His mind whirled with possibilities that terrified him, but there was a thread of excitement intertwined with the fear.
So what if he was bi? Jez and Mac had come out and the world hadn’t ended. Maybe it was time he finally let himself explore the things he’d been hiding from for so long. He didn’t have to tell anyone else about it unless he wanted to.
CHAPTER FOUR
Jude hated that he felt ashamed.
He’d never felt ashamed of what he did before. Maybe because he’d grown up with such a liberal mother, he had always been completely accepting of his sexuality and choices. She had been a single mum and a telephone sex worker to make ends meet. She’d tried to keep it a secret from Jude, but one day, when he was fifteen, he’d come home from school early and caught her working. She’d been doing the ironing with her back to the door, wearing a headset. She hadn’t heard Jude come in, but he’d heard every shockingly filthy word coming out of her mouth.
She’d explained to him that it was a job, it paid well, and how else did he think she could afford to buy him decent trainers and pay for his phone contract?