Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
“You know what I mean,” Noah says.
“You started this on purpose,” I reply and watch as a smile spreads over my friend’s face.
“We saw you at the wedding,” Gray says. “We saw the way you looked at her when you were dancing with her.”
“How’s that?” I ask, then hate myself for it because I probably don’t want to know.
“Like she hung the damn moon,” Christian says, then shrugs when I stare at him. “Jenna’s told me a lot about your past with Willa, and I watch. Jenna said it was a big deal that you danced with her.”
“He doesn’t usually go near her,” Gray confirms, and I scowl.
“Are y’all just sitting around, talking about my non-existent love life like a bunch of gossiping women?” I toss my cue on the table and march to the doors that open to the balcony that overlooks the lake. I step out into the snow and take a deep breath of the crisp air.
“If she’s what you want, you should do something about it,” Noah says from behind me, and I turn to find all three men standing on the balcony with me. “Because if you don’t, someone else will.”
The pain that the thought of someone else touching Willa brings me is a hell that I wouldn’t wish on an enemy.
“Maybe I’m not what she needs,” I reply. “She made it clear a long time ago that she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“She was young and hurt,” Gray says. “Hell, we all were. And, yeah, she might tell you to go fuck yourself. But at least you’d have tried.”
“Why do I feel like this was an intervention?” I ask, propping my hands on my hips.
“No idea,” Gray says with a smile. “We just came over to drink your beer and beat you at pool.”
“Maybe the kid is the problem,” Noah says thoughtfully. “Are you hanging back because you don’t want to take on another man’s child?”
“That’s a shitty thing to say,” I reply. “Alex is a great kid.”
“Some men wouldn’t want to take on the baggage of someone else’s family.”
“Some men are assholes,” Christian says with a sigh. “Max isn’t.”
“No, I’m not,” I agree. “It’s not the kid.”
“Do something,” Noah repeats. “But first, let’s start that pool game over so I can kick your ass.”
“You can try.” I follow my friends back inside and watch as Noah sets up the balls to break them. Maybe he’s right. I’ve wasted a lot of time hanging back and steering clear of Willa because I thought it was what she wanted.
Maybe it’s time I let her go altogether.
***
I’ve been here since before the sun came up. I’m sitting in a camping chair I brought with me with a six-pack of beer next to my feet, keeping cold in the snow. I pop the top of the second one in an hour and reach out to clink the neck of the bottle against the one on the headstone.
“Nine years,” I say, blowing out a breath. I come here every year on the anniversary of Cary’s death and just sit here, hanging out with him. I drink two beers, leave the rest for him, and then go home to finish getting drunk alone.
The cemetery sits on the edge of town. It’s pretty much full now, all of the plots either housing someone or sold. Cary sits up on the hill, closest to the railroad tracks, and looks out over the lake and Blacktail Mountain.
It’s cold this morning. A painful twenty-two degrees to be exact, but I don’t care. I’m bundled up.
The alcohol helps.
“Time flies,” I mutter, shaking my head as I watch a train speed by. The whistle pierces the air. “Jesus, I still feel twenty-three. I don’t look it.” I shrug. “I wonder if you would have had grey hair by now like your dad did at thirty.”
I clear my throat.
“I’ve managed to keep the grey hair at bay, but I’m told that having salt and pepper hair is distinguishing, so I guess it won’t be so bad.
“You know what sucks? I need woman advice, and I can’t ask you. Of course, if you were here, I wouldn’t be asking because it’s about Willa, and that makes me feel like a dick. Like I’m poaching on my best friend’s wife, even though I know that’s not the case. And you poached first. Let’s just establish that right now.”
The whistle blows again, making me smile.
“Yeah, I know. She’s irresistible. I don’t know what to do, Cary. Part of me thinks I should just keep my distance. Let her go.”
I take another swig of beer.
“And the shitty thing is, I’m still so drawn to her, you know?”
I stare at the headstone, reading it over and over again.
Cary Edward Monroe
1987-2010
Loving Son, Husband, and Friend
“So, if you could just let me know that you’re not pissed at me for even considering starting something with her, I’d appreciate it.”