Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 117820 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 589(@200wpm)___ 471(@250wpm)___ 393(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117820 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 589(@200wpm)___ 471(@250wpm)___ 393(@300wpm)
“Oh my,” Mee-maw cries, acting the victim. Her hand rests on her chest and fresh tears roll down her face. Her cheek is swelling, I hit her hard.
“As you can see, she still needs work,” Father Righteous insists as I’m dragged away. “Sedate her. Feed her.” He apologizes to those around us and calls me troubled.
He’s too influential. As I scream that they took my baby he tells them I’m not fit to be a mother. That I’m a raging psychopath and he’ll be sure to keep their kids safe from me. That I’m possessed. They lap it up but they know that I’m not. They are the psychopaths. They know what goes on here, they know what they’re putting their kids through for the sake of “social standing”.
I’m a psychopath. I’m not possessed. I’ve lost my child and I’m steadily losing my will to live.
I stopped praying for Kane to save me so long ago, but still in this moment a flicker of hope presses on my already tight chest. My eyes, as they often used to, scan the grounds for any sign of him. My ears listen for the roar of his Challenger. My skin prickles desperately for the feel of his touch.
My heart yearns for our child.
There’s no emptier feeling than defeat. It’s as though any strength I had left is gone.
“She will see reason,” Father Righteous says, likely to Mee-maw.
“She’s been here almost nine months. The devil inside her is too strong.” Mee-maw is speaking like I’m not here.
“The devil is never too strong for God. And where else has a deeper presence of God than here at the Righteous Voices?” A loud chorus of Amen sounds from the crowd around as I start to drop and finally sink into slumber. The drugs take over and I decide that from now on I will keep on lashing out just so they can keep sedating me.
Nobody is going to save me now so I might as well get high. I have no power here. No standing.
Father Righteous is a trusted member of every community in the state. His compassion and love and his ability to turn a child back to the light of God is revered. He has the ability to destroy lives. He’s already destroyed mine.
26 years old
“I was back to where I was that night of the lake, but even worse than before because I had nobody. I was the leper of the group. Marshall was playing it safe, pretending to be saved so he could leave and send help for me. His parents were already desperate for his return so we knew it wouldn’t be long, but I couldn’t stand the thought of that hell without him.”
“Jesus, Immy I feel fuckin’ sick,” Kane admits and he looks pale as he strides across the room and puts distance between us. “I don’t want to believe you. I can’t grasp that this might be fuckin’ real.” He turns, his eyes sharp. “You didn’t kill yourself. I’m glad but… why?”
“I wanted to. I’ve never felt so done with life. I would have given anything to just fall asleep and not wake up but I couldn’t. I needed to know she was safe and loved and I just needed to see her one time.”
“Did you?”
I wet my lips and hold my mug. I’m sitting now, on a barstool, looking at him through dead eyes. “Nope.”
His brows furrow. “Not once?”
“I’m still alive aren’t I?”
“You’re gonna fuckin’ stay alive.”
I don’t reply, I just stare at him. Waiting for something, I don’t know what, but I know I don’t want to be in this moment. “I’ve never stopped thinking about her, Kane. Her cry echoes through my mind every time I close my eyes. I shouldn’t have even heard it really, I was under, but it called to me so deep it woke me up for just long enough for me to hear it.”
“Then we’ll go back there, we’ll demand he tell us—”
“He’s dead, Kane,” I breathe, choking on my words. “He’s dead. And he’s the only person who knew where she was.”
“He’s dead?”
“Yeah. Dead. Somebody stabbed him, severed his spine, watched him bleed out.”
He gapes at me, hearing the tone in my voice that I’m not even trying to hide. “Immy…”
“I don’t regret it,” I admit, my voice even softer now.
“Fuck… Immy.” His eyes widen. He’s concerned, horrified, just as I knew he would be. “Does Marshall know?”
I nod. “Marshall helped me set the place on fire.”
He rips a hand through his hair. “I don’t know whether to believe you or not. I feel like you’re not being truthful.”
In some ways he’s right, but not all.
“Google it. It wasn’t exactly a well-kept secret. The press had a field day when they learned of the horrors of the Righteous Voices and their fucking cult. So many victims came forward.” I laugh and shake my head. “So many. All it took was for me to stand up and tell mine first. Under an alias though to keep me safe. He had more followers than enemies.”