Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 132582 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132582 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
I squeeze his hand, and he lifts it in the air, spreading his fingers apart with mine. The pads of our fingers press together, a delicate touch, as he moves in closer, his mouth coming to my forehead.
“I feel safe here,” he murmurs.
“Me too.”
“I don’t think we should ever leave.”
I huff a laugh. “I don’t think that’s possible. Your family is looking for you.”
“Eh. Let them keep looking. They’ll be all right.”
I tip my chin, smiling up at him.
“Your brother,” he starts, dropping our hands again. “What happened to him?”
I start to look away, but he clasps my chin, keeping my head up. “Why can’t you look at me when you talk about him?”
My emotions swirl into a hurricane. I want to cry at the thought, but I also want to be angry. Why can’t I talk about Warren? Why does it hurt so badly? There are many factors, truly, but I suppose I’ve never cared to address them. Instead, I choose to ignore it and act like nothing ever happened. Hell, I don’t even have pictures of him in my apartment because seeing him hurts, and I don’t want anyone asking me who he is. It’s been easier to pretend he didn’t exist, but deep inside, it’s impossible to pretend when that person was your twin. Someone you shared a womb and every birthday with.
As if Caz can feel the cocktail of emotion brewing inside me, he strokes my chin with his fingers. I release a breath and pull away from him, focusing on a thick log not too far away, by the fence. I walk over to sit on it, and Caz watches me a moment before joining me. Crickets chirp, and a cool breeze floats by that smells of salt, a reminder that an ocean is nearby.
“The truth is that I don’t talk about him much, with anyone.”
“Your memories of him bring you pain?” he asks.
“Yes…and no.” I twist my lips. “The memories from when we were kids, those bring me joy, of course. It’s just…there are so many questions and things left unanswered about his death. I try to block it all out and distract myself with working, or men who think they can control me, because it’s better than being alone and constantly thinking about it. I’d drive myself crazy with all the what ifs and wondering.”
Caz nods, then frowns. “Who’s trying to control you? That Garrett fucker you’re always thinking about?”
I nod reluctantly.
“Has he hurt you?”
I press my lips, nodding again, and Caz clenches the fist on his lap. “I’ll kill him.”
“How?” I laugh. “He’s in a whole other world.”
“I’m sure there’s a way to get there. I’ll find a way, believe me.”
I huff a laugh. “Garrett is a conversation for another time.”
“Fine.” Caz sits taller, but it doesn’t stop his jaw from ticking. “You were going to tell me about Warren.”
I clear my throat. “Yeah. So, um…he used to travel a lot, my brother. He visited so many countries. All he ever talked about was marking countries off his bucket list, and he used to have this stupid scratch off map that he’d use whenever he came back home.” I laugh at the reminder. I still have that map, folded up and buried deep in a shoe box in my closet. “We shared an apartment when we turned twenty-five, right after we graduated college. We felt it would be better to split the bills, plus our dad was a piece of shit who didn’t want us living with him anymore when we turned eighteen, so we had each other. But that was the year my brother didn’t come back.” I glance at Caz. His eyes are still on me, clearly invested and waiting to hear what comes next.
“At first, I figured his phone was dead, or that he lost it or something. He called me every single day to update me, or just to bother me about something—you know, the annoying sibling thing. But after a week passed and I still hadn’t heard from him, I got worried. The last place he visited was a small country called New Zealand, so I got ahold of authorities there, and they looked into him, went to the Airbnb he was staying in, and all of his stuff was there…but he wasn’t.” I squeeze my eyes shut and bring my hands up, pressing my fingers into my face and dragging them downward. I can’t believe I’m talking about this.
Caz rubs my upper thigh, bringing me back to the present, and I drop my hands to look at him.
“This clearly pains you to talk about. You don’t have to go on.”
I shake my head. “No. It’s fine. Surprisingly, I…want to.” I draw in a deep breath, then exhale. “Anyway, the police told me they’d look into it. Long story short, they never found him, and his disappearance never made sense to me. I know my brother and he’d never just disappear on me unless something terrible happened to him, and if he was in some kind of trouble, he would have told me first before going off the grid. He knew what it was like to be abandoned and we promised each other we’d always keep in touch. Always. No matter what.” My voice cracks with the last sentence and I clear my throat again. “He’s been gone for almost two years now, and if I haven’t heard from him yet, I’m assuming he’s dead. Probably got kidnapped and killed or something.”