Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 61867 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61867 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
“More?” Eliza asks. “As in…?”
I sigh and close my eyes. The conversation is getting intense. I want to tell her everything, but it’s like the events from earlier are sitting heavy, like a couple of weighted blankets against my chest.
“Jameson said…” God, why can’t I just spit it out?
“Said what?” Eliza asks.
“He said he wouldn’t care if he got me pregnant. Like—right away. Like—right now.”
“Like…after you two did it?” She’s practically giggling at this point. I’m not sure if that’s annoying me or not.
“Yes,” I reply.
“Ah.” Eliza nods. “And that freaked you out?”
“Well, yeah! He’s been gone for three years, and now he wants to just knock me up? That’s crazy talk!”
Eliza places her hand on my knee, suddenly giving off mommy or caring-aunt vibes. The way she’s looking at me now is almost condescending and I’m honestly kind of afraid of what she’s about to say next.
“You’re talking about Jameson, right? The guy who you went on and on to me about how he was the only guy you ever truly felt close to? The only guy who ever really seemed to get you? The guy who looked after you and helped you deal with your father leaving you? The guy who you were so devastated when he left and you realized he wasn’t coming back?”
I twist my lips and nod. “Well…yes.”
“Now, Iris, you know I’m always going to be super protective over you. But don’t you think it seems a bit contradictory on your part to feel that way about a guy, to miss him like crazy and wish you had him back in your life, and then when he does come back, to suddenly freak out and think he may not be the guy you thought he was?”
“But he’s like rich now, Eliza!” I stammer. “You saw the house he’s living in! And he drives a Porsche. He made me basically my own boutique on the second floor full of clothes he knew I would love!”
“Not seeing the problem here,” she laughs.
“Ugh,” I groan, falling onto my back. “I guess I’m just worried that he might have changed, you know? That the last few years have turned him into someone else.”
“No you’re not,” Eliza replies. “That’s not what you’re worried about.”
“What?” I ask, sitting up. She’s giving me that look again. The I-know-better-than-you look. “How would you know what I’m worried about?”
“Because I know you, Iris. And what you’re actually worried about is that history will repeat itself. That you’ll let Jameson get too close, get you pregnant, start a life with you, and that just like before, just like your dad, he’ll disappear out of your life.”
Tears fill my eyes. I wasn’t ready to hear that.
I get to my feet and go over to the window, doing my best not to cry. “Yeah, and so? So what if I think that? Think about what’s happened to me, Eliza! I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to guys I care about sticking around for me!”
“Iris, I understand,” Eliza replies. She gets up too and approaches me tenderly like a human approaching a wounded animal in the woods. I guess that’s probably what I look like right now. “And like I said, I only want you to be happy, but can you really just never trust any guy again for the rest of your life? Especially the only one you’ve ever said you ever really had feelings for? Because let’s face it, you never really liked Chad. He was just a placeholder. And thank God for that.”
Her words hit me right in the gut, taking my breath away.
Yup, she’s right again, only I’m not sure I know how to fully process everything she just told me. Eliza and I have always had a very close relationship, and I’ve always felt like I could share anything with her, but it’s never gotten to the point where she just started straight-up psychoanalyzing me like she’s doing now.
I wipe the tears from my eyes, doing my best not to have a full-blown emotional breakdown as I think about the truth she’s just laid on me.
Wow. So that’s why you rushed out of there, I think, replaying the events in my mind, looking down at the sweatsuit I’m wearing. I could have had on a nice pair of jeans with a nice blouse that Jameson bought for me if I wasn’t so screwed up inside.
“I’m an idiot…” I start, but the tears start to pour down my cheeks. Eliza rushes over and pulls me into her arms.
“No, no, no, stop that,” she says, petting the back of my head, making shushing noises that are actually super comforting. I lean against her feeling defeated, deflated, and most of all, like I may have blown it with the one man in my life that I’ve ever felt I could completely rely on.