Total pages in book: 37
Estimated words: 36428 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 182(@200wpm)___ 146(@250wpm)___ 121(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 36428 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 182(@200wpm)___ 146(@250wpm)___ 121(@300wpm)
As much as I want to fight the statement, I know I can’t.
“Let’s get one thing clear, right here, right fucking now.” She pulls her lathered foot back into the water before sitting up straight. “You are not the new Glenn. You could never and will never be ‘the new Glenn’ because I would’ve never married him.”
Relief attempts to pierce my chest.
“I damn sure would’ve never had a child with him, let alone two.”
This time it successfully sinks in.
“And I would’ve never – and I mean fucking never Yavok – loved him. Period.”
Her words bury themselves into my bones where they belong.
“You and everything with you is so goddamn special it makes me believe in actual miracles.”
All air in my lungs disperses leaving me breathless during my agreement, “Feel same.”
“Me not needing your help with this wasn’t an issue of trust, it was an issue of time.”
Confusion promptly takes the place of adoration.
“Your time is better spent on and with our kids, Yavok. You know their schedules and routines best. You know their medical history. Their growing points. Their likes and dislikes. All the little details that matter to them. Fuck, do you have any idea how shitty I felt for not knowing Kat needed a light blush ribbon for hair for dress rehearsal instead of white? How fucking awful I felt listening to her bawl about it? How I almost bawled in the car myself after she said, ‘Papa would know’?”
“Oh…” my voice drops to just above a whisper at the same time my hand dives into the water to rest on top of her leg, “rakkaani.”
“I…accept…that you hang the sun, the moon, and the stars to that little girl. I accept that no matter what I say or do or how hard I try, I will never be as good as you in that aspect-”
“Vaim-”
“-and while it is not something easy to accept, it is something that I know is for the best. You being there for her now – for them now – while I continue to eliminate threats to our current lives and their futures is what’s best for us as a whole. And I need to trust that going forward you can resume doing what’s best for us versus you. Because everyone has moments of selfishness. And everyone has moments of doubt. And we are all flawed in our pursuit for perfection. However, I will not sit by and let your petty arrogance undermine me a second time.”
“I…would…become like Puppet then?”
“The only responsibilities to the Kessler name you would have would be the ones you would share with Arlene.”
Dread plummets to the pit of my stomach like deadweight.
“You would be my husband in name only and never again my Pet.”
Tears threaten the rims of my eyes, yet I don’t look away.
I remain still.
Prove my devotion.
Understanding.
Showcase the fear swimming through my veins prior to croaking, “Would be fate worse than death.”
“Then let’s do everything possible moving forward to avoid it.” She uses the toes from her other foot to lightly caress my forearm. “Da?”
A small sniffle is attached to a whispered, “Da.”
Remy sweetly smiles and delivers a second impish splash. “This doesn’t feel like bathing me, Pet. It feels an awful lot like you are just watching my beautiful, naked body get wet and stay wet.”
Rather than wallow in the worry of her previous proclamation, I playfully retort, “I know that same thing.”
More giggles.
More smiles.
More breadcrumbs of hope to stop the emotional starvation.
Wendell is right.
Remy really has come a long way over our years together. It’s an undeniable truth revealed every time she genuinely smiles in a crowded room or allows me to walk beside her rather than behind. The fact she not only said she loved me but admitted her own insecurities and vulnerabilities is proof she isn’t the same person who once kept me in a cage. In ways, she’s softer. More tender and giving. More mindful.
And in others?
Much more menacing.
She knows death would be far less cruel than having to spend what remains of my life being trapped in a prison without bars. Having the freedom to move yet unable to move towards her. With her. Simply navigating around her would be a misery I swore I’d never revisit.
That I will not revisit.
We’ll regain our temporarily lost balance.
And soon enough we return to thriving as opposed to merely surviving.
I know it.
Even if she doesn’t.
Reaching over to retrieve the red body sponge and bottle of soap is followed by me cautiously inquiring, “May ask how hunt for vor is going?”
“Completed.”
The dipping into the water motion momentarily pauses in order to shoot her a surprised expression. “Tak rano?”
“Da,” she replies in the same Russian tongue she was given. “It turns out that not sleeping and drinking double shots of espresso gives you plenty of time for extra digging.”