Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 125936 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 630(@200wpm)___ 504(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125936 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 630(@200wpm)___ 504(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
A smile came over the Russian’s face. “I did not think. I merely follow my heart and know I will do everything I can to care for her and Caleb. I always knew Caleb would pull head out of ass and come with us.”
And there was the difference. “Yes, you knew the dude with the medical degree and tons of family cash would take care of you.”
“I would have been his partner if he’d had none of those things,” Alexei insisted. “I love Caleb. I love Holly. I love my stepson. We decided we could be family, and now we have our beautiful Amelia. I am not to be bragging, but these things do not happen if I am not here. I do not believe Holly and Caleb would be the same without me. I think she is still alone, and he is still in cage if I am not here.”
He wasn’t sure if Alexei was referring to a real cage or a metaphorical one. It could be either, but he understood the point. “We can’t live off Elisa’s salary, and what Hale and I make together isn’t enough.”
“Enough for what?”
“Enough for a house and security. Enough so we don’t have to sit up at night and worry about how to pay the bills. Enough to support the kids those two are going to eventually want to adopt. Enough to have the kind of life my…”
Fuck. His brain had tiptoed around the idea, skirting it so he didn’t have to face it.
“The kind of life your brother has?”
Alexei had studied hard and obviously knew his way around a confused dude’s brain, but he was wrong about this. “I am not jealous of my brother.”
“Jealousy doesn’t have to be a terrible thing,” Alexei said. “Everyone feels a bit of it. It’s how we choose to handle these feelings that makes them a bad or good thing. And what we’re talking about isn’t jealousy. It’s envy. Jealousy is about possession. Envy is wishing for ourselves what someone else has. It can crush us and make us bitter or it can spur us on to do good things for ourselves. I am envious of Caleb’s education. It is something I want for myself. So I go and do this. What about your brother do you envy?”
Some of what Alexei said was making sense. “He and Adam…they’re so together. They’ve built something. They have everything we’re supposed to have, and I don’t know how he did it. We came from the same place. Our parents never stayed put for more than six months. When they put me in school it was only to pull me out a couple of weeks later because they didn’t like being tied to school hours or someone fed me whatever food my mom thought would cause cancer that month. There was no stability. Jake is the very definition of stability. He has a house and kids who adore and respect him. His wife is amazing, and Adam is half of him. Adam would never think about leaving Jake behind.”
Alexei nodded encouragingly. “There it is. You think Hale is choosing Elisa over you?”
That wasn’t exactly the truth. “I think we might be able to convince Elisa if he worked with me. I think Hale is choosing Bliss over me, and Adam would never have done that to Jake.”
“You know this for certain? You have talked about this with them?” Alexei asked. “Because often there is more to the story than what we allow the world to see. Especially outside of Bliss. We are more open here. Your brother is in polite society. I’m sure he hides much. Have you considered how much harder it will be to have this relationship outside of Bliss?”
“It doesn’t bother Jake at all.”
“Or he does not show it. I find it interesting that he buys a place here as soon as he finds it. His wife’s car breaks down here one day and a few weeks later, they have a cabin in the valley. They come up here often.”
Jake loved it here. Was it for more than the fishing? Was it because he didn’t have to hide anything here? Because here no one would look at them twice when he and Adam kissed their wife?
“I don’t know,” Van admitted. “I didn’t talk to him about that. There wasn’t any reason to because Hale and I weren’t even close to having a woman we would consider calling our girlfriend, much less our wife.”
“But Elisa is such a woman?”
He knew the answer deep down. “She’s the right one. But it’s at the wrong time. Or maybe she’s the right one for me, but what if I’m the wrong one for her? She’s been through so much. I can’t be the one who brings her more heartache.”
“Then don’t.” Alexei’s voice was steady but there was an obvious sympathy to it. “Wake up each morning saying I am the one who will make her life better today because she is my love. And it will be easier because you will have partner. My friend, this envy you feel is something worse. I believe it is shame. I believe what you are feeling is shame that you did not process what happens to you as a child as well as your brother. But he is older than you. He has more time. And he is different person. His reality, while on outside looks like yours, on inside is different. No matter the circumstances we cannot know how things truly feel for other without asking them. And we cannot measure our success by another’s life. The question is what does your brother have that you truly want? Deep down inside your heart. Is it the beautiful home? The company he helped build? Is it to live in exciting city with many opportunities? Or is what you want exactly what you are on the cusp of finding. Is it love with amazing woman you can share with the person who is your partner in life? Is it a family he builds around himself? Is it the stable ground one finds when one is truly content?”