Total pages in book: 119
Estimated words: 113056 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 377(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 113056 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 377(@300wpm)
I burst into tears. It wasn’t something new. I was always a crier, but my pregnancy? I cried the week before dad died for half an hour because I’d seen a viral video of baby goats in pajamas jumping around. It was just so stinkin’ cute.
We took a bath. He washed my hair sweetly, and then he shaved my legs for me because I couldn’t reach. He wanted to get sexy, but I said I was having none of it.
I told him he’d get arrested for bestiality if he had sex with me because I’d be mistaken for a beached whale. He laughed at me some more and then in our room, he insisted. He gave me oral sex while he jacked off until we both came pretty hard and beautifully, and then got dressed to go out.
The orgasm was just what I needed. I felt a lot lighter in my heart after that release.
We walked around the mall and we wound up in a baby store.
Tommy found a onesie with a Neapolitan ice cream cone on it. Of course, we had to buy it. It even had a cherry on top. When we got home and pulled in, we saw that a UPS truck was outside the gate.
Tommy’s blood was boiling. It was written all over his face.
The truck pulled away and we saw it wasn’t Nick driving. There had, thankfully, been no sign of Nick. He obviously finally took the hint.
Tommy took the envelope from the gate guard and opened the envelope, felt to make sure it was just paper, I guess, smelled it, and then opened the inner envelope and inspected it just quickly. He handed it to me.
It was from Carol O’Connor, my aunt.
It had a sympathy card from her. It was just a standard Sorry for Your Loss card with flowers on the front and “Aunt Carol” written inside with a short note.
Your father asked me to send this in the event of his death. Sorry for the wait. Feel free to call me, if you ever want to talk or visit. I’m sorry for not attending the funeral. It was too painful and hard on me.
Was that her saying she was ready to have a relationship with me? Now that Dad was gone?
I threw the card in the trash bin. Hard on her? She could’ve been there for me. I would’ve been there for her, too. She didn’t have to take me in, but she could’ve still been in my life. Now that Dad was gone? I didn’t think so. And there was a note from Dad that was to be given to me in the event of his death and she just, what, sat on it for over a week? What a royal bitch.
I held an envelope that said Sweetpea on the outside.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I opened it.
Tia,
If I die, it’s not suicide.
If you think long & hard, you’ll realize I’m too cowardly to take my own life. I’m also not that heartless to let you endure both parents having done that.
But make no mistake, if I die, which I guess I did since you’re reading this, it’s not that I did myself in but it is because it’s my fault. I’m reaping what I sowed. Your husband tried to protect me and I was blind.
I didn’t think he’d let me contact you. I might have been wrong. I used Nick to try to get to you, to get you to forgive me, but I don’t deserve your forgiveness. Or Tommy’s.
And Nick doesn’t deserve Tommy’s anger. I pushed + pushed and used his feelings for you to my advantage. I shouldn’t have done that.
I’m proud of you, sweet pea. You turned out amazing, no thanks to me. You are a beauty who is also smart, loyal, forgiving, and with a heart of gold. Your mother would’ve been proud of you, regardless of who you married, or what your husband does for a living.
As I write this, I hope I can tell my sister to throw it out one day, because I’ll get to have a relationship with you. If I ever get out of here.
Nick told me I’m gonna be a grampa. I hope I can be a good grampa to your little tyke or your little sweet pea. I bet I’d be a fun one if I got that chance. You’ll be a great mom. Love you sweet pea.
Love,
Dad
PS: Pls see the back of this note for my secret spice blend recipe that you loved so much. Your rendition was close but I added the secret ingredients you didn’t know about. Teach it to your kids. Cook with them. Good memories and all. I know you have at least some fun memories of me cooking with you. xo