Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 56107 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 224(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56107 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 224(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
I pour a generous serving of pinot into my travel mug, gulp down half, and then hit the Enter Mr. Sticky’s Sweet Lodge button. I think it’s supposed to be a play on words? Sweat lodge. Sweet lodge. Either way, gross.
My eyes stick to the spiraling donut as my heart pounds against my rib cage. Please, God. Please be a case of mistaken identity. I’ll be good from now on—donate to orphanages, knit socks for the elderly, recycle my plastic trash bags the right way in the store… I’ll even stop stealing sugar packets from the coffee shop.
An image pops up, inviting me to start the video. “Mr. Sticky Nuts welcomes you?” My hand shaking, I click. “Oh shit!”
I slam the laptop shut. It’s Carter! And it’s way worse than I imagined.
I burst through Sofie’s front door, tears streaming down my face. For the first two minutes, I babble incoherently while doubled over, trying to catch my breath. Mostly because I can’t make sense of the topping nightmare I’ve just seen. I’ll never eat dessert again.
“Slow down, Mila. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
Hyperventilating, I stand up straight and attempt to explain, “He-pecans-all-over-down there.”
“Pecans what?”
“So many pecans,” I pant. “And strawberry jam.”
“Mila, take a breath.”
I do several rounds of inhaling and exhaling. “Okay. Okay. I’m good.”
“Start from the top.” She points to her living room, and I head for the couch. She takes the armchair across from me.
I search for the right words, but there aren’t any. Nothing is right about this. “Carter, the guy I met in Jamaica, is a fetish porn star.”
Sofie bursts out laughing. “I’m sorry. What?”
“People pay him to do kinky crap. To his balls.”
She laughs for another thirty seconds until she notices I’m not joking. “You’re serious?”
“As a herpes outbreak. He has a site. I saw it with my own eyes. He goes by Mr. Sticky Nuts.”
“Oh my God. I think I’ve heard of this guy. He does bachelorettes and stuff, right?”
“Oh no. You know him?”
“I’ve never watched, but one of my clients mentioned him in a session. Said the guy put nacho cheese sauce on his balls and then covered them in jalapeño slices.”
“Sounds like him,” I say shamefully. I was an idiot to believe my life was starting to turn around. Sofie is the lucky one. I’m the one life spits on. Nothing ever goes right for me. “I should’ve known he’s single for a reason.” I grab my phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Blocking him.”
“Why?” she asks.
“I can’t see the guy again.” I mean, what am I going to say? How was work today, Carter? Did you do sweet or savory?
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because…he’s a fucking porn star?” I yell and get to my feet, pacing her lovely spa-like living room, with sage walls, velvety throws, and scented candles.
“Okay. I hear you,” she says, watching me pace, “but you really liked the guy, right?”
“Yes, but—”
“And if it weren’t for this one thing, you’d be trying to tie him down,” she says.
“Maybe, but—”
“All I’m saying is give the guy a chance to explain. I mean, if he were a woman trying to put herself through college or raise a kid alone, you wouldn’t be so quick to judge.”
I shake my head and sit back down, letting out a long sigh. “I feel like there’s judging and then there’s drawing a line in the sand for my own mental well-being. I could never be with a guy who shares himself with the world. Naked. Covered in Pop Rocks.”
“He’s not having sex with anyone, right?” she asks.
“I haven’t combed through his entire sack footage, but no. I don’t think so.”
“See.” She smiles. “You wouldn’t be sharing him. Not technically.”
“Okay, fine. Maybe I could get past the sharing thing, but I don’t want a guy who treats his balls and dick like a crotch buffet to be the father of my children.” Everyone knows that what happens on the internet never dies. It’s there forever. “What would little Carter Jr. say?”
Sofie rolls her eyes. “You don’t even want kids.”
“But I might. Someday. And then what?” I make my voice high. “Mommy, why does Tommy’s mom keep trying to give Daddy gummy bears when she sees him?”
“Oh stop.” Sofie swipes her hand through the air. “You’re getting miles ahead. Just let the man explain.”
“No.”
“Okay. Fine. Then at least get to know him a little. Give things a chance.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because maybe you’ll find out he’s not for you, but maybe you’ll discover he’s everything and a bag of Skittles.”
My eyes simmer with anger.
“Sorry. No snack references.”
“But what if I end up liking him even more?” I ask.
“Then you decide if you can live with his profession. Who knows? Maybe he’ll give it all up for you.”
Wouldn’t be out of the question. I know that Carter’s true passion is film. “What do I do about his notoriety? Or the thousands of hours of ball fetish videos? They’ll follow him the rest of his life.”