Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 70445 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70445 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Sleep comes and goes. I wake when the sun’s streaming through the windows. War’s already up and sitting nearby, staring out at the landscape. I kiss his chest before getting dressed. “Walk with me,” I say and he stands wordlessly, bruises blooming on his face from the fight the night before.
We head down the steps and into the main house. Nobody else is awake yet. I make coffee and we sit out back drinking it, watching the sun get stronger and stronger. I take War’s hand in mine and hold it, and he smiles at me.
“Almost getting murdered makes you appreciate stuff like this,” he says, and I lean my head on his shoulder.
“Almost getting murdered makes me question all my life choices, frankly,” I say and he laughs, but my stomach is boiling and I come to a decision, one I don’t think I’ll ever be able to walk back. But it’s finally time. “I was there when Rosie died.”
He doesn’t move for a moment. Then he brushes my hair aside and kisses my forehead. “How’d it happen?”
“We were in the woods.” I stare out toward the forest where it all happened. It was so long ago but the memory’s still fresh. “I was out there like usual reading a book when she came stomping through the underbrush toward me. I tried to run, but she yelled and told me to stop. She was always chewing this gum, always had a big mouth full of the stuff. I panicked a little bit, and I threw my book at her, and I guess that pissed her off because she grabbed me by the hair and yanked me down into the dirt. She put a knee on my face and held me there and called me a disgusting waste of space, and that’s when I elbowed her in the stomach.
“She let me ago and I scrambled away. But when I tried to run, she chased after me. I was a stronger runner, faster, and I was used to the woods, so I put some distance between us, but after a minute I stopped hearing her coming after me. It was totally quiet, and I circled back, confused why she wasn’t chasing.
“I found her on her knees at the edge of the clearing, her hands around her throat. She was bright purple, her eyes red and bugged out. Choking on that gum. I watched her motion for me, begging for me to come help her, and I stood there, staring as tears streamed down her face. She tried hitting herself in the gut, but it didn’t help, and I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. I told everyone that I panicked and ran to the house but that’s not true. I wasn’t panicking, War. I wasn’t even upset. She was dying right there in front of me and I could’ve helped, I could’ve done the Heimlich or at least hit her on the back or something, but I just watched. Calm, not feeling much of anything. Mostly just resigned to her dying. All this time and I don’t know why I didn’t try to help, but she choked and choked and fell to her side, thrashing, struggling, staring at me with those wide and terrified eyes, and I watched her die. I said nothing, I did nothing. I didn’t scream or call for help. I watched her go still, watched her body shut down, watched her eyes go cold. I watched her die. Maybe I even killed her, I don’t know. I think if she managed to spit that gum out, I would’ve finished her myself.”
My story ends and I lean back in my chair. The last piece of my story clicks into place and, finally, it’s all out in the air, every word of it. Like my cousins tried to kill me the night before, I killed Rosie, and I’ve never felt a bit of guilt over it. Which I know is wrong and means I’m broken, but after what she did, I don’t care. None of it matters anymore. She’s gone, and I watched her die.
“We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of,” War says after a short silence. “I can give you a very long list of my sins.”
“Ever kill your cousin?”
“No, but I’ve pushed the plunger on an overdose of morphine for an old dying woman. I held a pillow over the face of an addict high on fentanyl. I’ve done horrible things, Melody. Things I’m not proud of.”
“Then I guess we have a lot more in common than I realized.”
His smile is bitter but I take his hand between both of mine and kiss his finger. He leans down and kisses my lips, lingering there. “I never should’ve let this happen,” he whispers and strokes a thumb down my cheek.