Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
But I don’t want it to end. Ever.
Despite his playfulness, his expression sobers up quickly, assuring me there’s something on his mind.
“Are you worried about her?”
After the call, he got real quiet, and I could tell he wasn’t happy to see her so weak, struggling to recover not only from the last intense round of chemo, but from this flu now as well.
“You know me too well,” he says as his smile twists into a frown. “She looked worse than the last time we talked, and I just wish I could go see her for a bit.”
“Whatever he’s doing to me isn’t as important as what’s going on with her. He has to know that.”
“I mentioned the possibility of visiting her, but he shut that down right away.”
This kind of thing…it takes me back to the Simon who used to hold me when I was sad. Who helped me nurse a sick rabbit back to health before we released him back into the wild. Who knows so much pain himself, enough that he shouldn’t struggle to find empathy for others. It’s a reminder of what my brother has become.
Jonas’s gaze meets mine. He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but stops himself.
“What were you about to say?”
“When I asked Simon if I could visit Charity, he started asking me questions, as if he was suspicious I might be telling you what he’s been up to.”
Tension knots in my chest.
“And…he said some things about Kieran and your father…”
The tension quickly drops to my belly, and I’m lightheaded.
Am I going to be sick?
I sit up, maybe a little too quickly because it only makes me feel nauseous.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“I’m fine,” I lie as I take deep breaths. “What did he say?”
“It was a pretty fucked-up story about when they passed. I think you know I don’t believe anything he tells me. I don’t want you to think I—”
“Please, Jonas, stop being cautious for my sake. Just tell me what he told you.”
Don’t I deserve to get revenge against Simon for what he’s done to me?
I gaze into Kieran’s blue eyes as he leans toward me, his lips craving mine.
“It’s always been you, Ryan.”
That should make me feel good, but why does it sear into my chest?
As his lips draw near, I can’t help myself.
I’ll make Simon pay for this. I’ll make him suffer for all he’s put me through.
“He told me,” Jonas says, “that after you caught him and Kieran in the act, you seduced Kieran to make him jealous. Then you made Kieran feel terrible about it, so terrible that he…”
“That he what?” Again, there’s this anger as I ask, but not at Jonas—at Simon.
“Killed himself,” he forces out.
Water stirs in my eyes.
The fucking bastard. How dare he speak those vicious words to Jonas?
“And what about Father?” I have to know. “What did he say about him?”
“That a few weeks later, you told him what you’d done.”
What I’d done?
The pain in my chest knots up as my anger rises.
“And then your dad disinherited you and…”
“And killed himself?” I say before he has a chance. I push to my feet and start for the pond. Jonas calls my name, but as the tears push from my eyes, I’m afraid to speak because I know I’ll be all choked up.
My emotions are a mix of grief and rage.
I’m so pissed at Simon, but then, I’m also pissed at myself. And haunted by the past.
I grab at that spot in my chest, my breathing speeding up as I lose control, and soon I’m on my knees, sobbing into my hands as I futilely battle the flashes of memories demanding my attention.
Simon and Kieran fucking in Father’s office.
Our family laughing together at the dining-room table.
Christmases in the family room.
“Ryan?” I hear before feeling a hand on my arm, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Jonas, I wish I could say it was all a lie, but it’s not.”
I interlock my arms, clutching at my biceps as Jonas settles on the ground beside me, crossing his legs.
He must think I’m a monster. He must be disturbed, but as I turn, I don’t see the judgment I feared.
He’s listening.
“Please talk to me, Ryan.”
With my lips on Kieran’s, I think, Fuck Kieran and Simon. Fuck them to hell.
I keep kissing him, but it doesn’t change the pain.
I’ll make him pay. I’ll make them both pay.
What will Jonas think when he hears the truth?
“After I caught them in the act, Kieran came to find me.”
I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want to relive this, but I won’t let Simon spread a fucking lie, and I can’t do that without revealing my own sins.
“I was hiding behind the shed, crying, and Kieran sat down beside me. I was so fucking angry with them. I thought he was just going to apologize and tell me he cared for Simon. That I would have to get over him. But then he said it was me he was thinking about when he was with Simon. And he looked like he wanted to kiss me, and I wanted to kiss him too. Not because I liked him, but to get back at Simon. To get back at both of them. So I did. I kissed him. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t the experience I’d imagined, not for the reasons I was doing it.”