Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“That’s so much for a kid to go through,” Ryan says.
“We’ve both had our share of tragedy. Mine just happened to involve a lot of oncologist offices and chemo wards.” I chuckle bitterly.
“It’s different, though. My parents weren’t like yours. I remember desperately wanting to be close to them, but there was this distance. I don’t know that they could be close to people. I’m sorry you had to experience that, but I’m glad you had your aunt to help you through it all.”
“Yeah, as shitty a hand as we’ve been dealt, she’s always been there for us.”
A tear finally pushes from my eye and slides down my cheek, and Ryan moves close and kisses it. I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation that soothes the fresh wound I just cut into.
It’s so wild to see this other side of Ryan. I’ve seen his abrasiveness and his playfulness, but the past few days, I’ve experienced something so much deeper, so much more profound.
As he pulls away, he says, “I’m sorry you can’t be with her right now.”
I nod. “It scares me. I’ve taken a lot of shit jobs because I knew I could figure out the hours around it, and even if they fired me, I could get work somewhere else so that I could be with her. Drop everything if she needed anything. Now here I am, stuck in this place that’s so far away, and I know it’s the best thing because I sure couldn’t—I—”
Ryan takes my mouth, and I immediately know why. I’m not in control of my emotions or what I’m saying, and I was about to say something that would have let Simon know all that I’d shared about our agreement.
Even knowing Ryan’s motive, it doesn’t keep me from savoring the moment, cherishing these lips against mine. I cup my hand against the back of his head, keeping him close. I don’t want to stop kissing him because it’s the only thing distracting me from the pain in my fucking soul.
When he pulls away, I realize tears are running down my face.
“Dammit,” I mutter, wiping at my eyes with the back of my hands.
Ryan must think I’m this fragile baby, but I feel his warm hand rest on my thigh and massage gently. “I’m so sorry. I wish you could be with her.”
“Me too,” is all I’m willing to say, since I fear if I say more, I might totally lose control.
He clings tight against my body, which isn’t like him. As much as I’ve slept in his room, we both keep to our sides of the bed. He’s always seemed so guarded, like he wouldn’t be this affectionate.
But now that he’s giving me this, I don’t want him to ever take it away from me.
“Lie down,” he whispers, and I obey. As if pulling my wish right from my brain, for the first time, he cuddles me. I wrap my arm around him, greedily tugging him close as he kisses my chest, again so softly, especially for a man I know can be so rough…in ways I love.
We lie in silence, his thumb stroking my torso, just beneath my chest, for a few moments before he stirs, glancing up at me. “This is nice.”
“Claiming my ass? Is that what you mean?” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
He chuckles. “That obviously, but this too. I like spending time with you, Jonas. I like getting to know you.”
A warmth swirls in my chest, a soothing sensation.
“Sorry,” he says. “You must be able to tell I haven’t dated anyone…ever, really. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or not say.”
“It’s actually refreshing. Just hearing you be honest. I enjoy spending time with you too.” I hope he understands I also mean outside of why I came here.
He must because his eyes light up and a beautiful smile slips across his lips.
“Would you want to…” He hesitates, and I don’t know what the hell he’s about to say, but I find myself in suspense.
“What is it?”
“There’s somewhere I’d like to take you. Out in the woods. Would you like to go there on Saturday, for lunch maybe?”
“Like a date?”
“Yeah, like a date. I can get Nell to make some sandwiches, and I’ll pack a bag with food and drinks.”
“A little weekend adventure? I like the sound of that.”
Some of that tension still lingers in my chest, but it’s mixed with a pleasant swirling sensation as a smile tugs across my lips.
Our first date.
16
RYAN
“If you want to fucking fight, let’s do this!” Forsyth says, shoving Morgan to the ground.
Their initial shouting match has me in a light jog, and when I see Morgan go down, I pick up my pace.
Morgan jumps to his feet, tackles Forsyth, and they fall together in front of the shed. By the time I get there, Forsyth has rolled on top of Morgan and is about to get a swing in, but I snatch his wrist and force him off Morgan.