Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 91961 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91961 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
What would he have thought about me then?
I side-eye Frankie. He looks like he’s thinking hard about something, puzzled even. Surely he’s trying to figure out why I was there…or why I didn’t tell him I was going.
I talk to him about pretty much everything. He’s the only person in my life who I feel comfortable sharing things that are really important to me with, the only one who knows about my depression, my issues with Peter, and my parents.
I wonder if he’s freaking out. If he’s thinking I’m this whole other person who he doesn’t know, but when we get out of the Uber, he puts his arm around me, like he normally would, as though he’s trying to let me know he’s here for me, which is nice.
When we get back into our unit, he’s still quiet and I’m trying to figure out how to break the ice with this.
Fortunately, Frankie does it for me.
“Hey, Ev,” he says, turning to me and resting his hands on my shoulders. His beanie is tucked a little lower than usual since he was playing with it in the Uber. “I’m sorry if I made all that weird, but I was…a little surprised. I figured you were just nervous about talking to me about a date earlier. Then I saw you with Z, and he had his hand on you like…he was petting you or—”
“Scritches.”
“What?” His brows pull together.
“That’s what they’re called, apparently. Sorry, this was a weird time to bring that up. I’m just kind of uncomfortable about the whole thing, and you know, I don’t even know why I went tonight.”
“Because on some level, it obviously interests you. You didn’t just accidentally wander into a puppy-play event.”
I can feel my face getting warm.
“I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I just…I’m used to us talking about pretty much everything. Hell, I tell you if I’m going to go get a blowjob from some Grindr trick.”
I chuckle because he’s so right. Typically, if anything comes up with either of us, the other is the first to know.
“That explains why you were acting so weird earlier tonight, though,” he notes.
“I’m sorry. It was strange not telling you, but then I didn’t know how to tell you, and I figured I would go tonight and see if it was even something I was interested in.”
“So this was your first time going to something like that?”
“God, yes. The other day, when Derek and I went to the leather shop and I saw this puppy hood…”
I stop myself. There’s more to it than just the other day, and I feel like Frankie deserves to hear the whole story.
“I saw a hood like the one I saw back when I was with Peter. We were getting some armbands and handkerchiefs for this Pride party. I’d seen some guy at a party, and he was having a lot of fun, so I kind of mentioned that guy and asked Peter what he would think of me doing that. I kind of downplayed it in case he thought it would be weird.”
“What did he say?”
My cheeks warm even more as I’m transported back to that memory. I avoid Frankie’s gaze.
“He started making like these growling and barking noises, making me feel really stupid for even mentioning it, so I acted like I didn’t really care, but I was curious. When I saw it again with Derek, I got to thinking about what you said, about getting out there again, and I know that’s not what you meant. But in some ways, I felt like I stopped myself from exploring things with Peter, because if he said no, I went along with it.”
His jaw tenses, and his grip on my shoulder tightens.
“Are you mad at me?”
“What? No. Don’t ever think that. I’m pissed at Peter for making you feel that way. If you said you wanted to try something, he shouldn’t have made you feel like shit about it. And I’m really fucking proud of you for taking a chance and exploring something you’re interested in…just for you.” His words are so soothing and compassionate that I feel stupid for not having shared this with him sooner.
Frankie has never been judgy or made fun of anything I’ve been interested in, but I was worried he would think it was weird. That’s what kept me from saying anything.
“Z had offered to take me tonight,” I continue. “He said I could just meet some guys and talk to them, but I kind of chickened out. It was all so intimidating, so I asked Z if we could go. That’s when you saw me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I’m not upset with you about that. Admittedly, I was surprised to see you prancing around the Eagle on Z’s arm, heading out of a puppy-play event, but I think you can understand why.”