Total pages in book: 149
Estimated words: 141255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 706(@200wpm)___ 565(@250wpm)___ 471(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 141255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 706(@200wpm)___ 565(@250wpm)___ 471(@300wpm)
Pop’s involvement in a human slavery ring was deep. We knew the trade existed and we knew he knew people in that trade. Tommy had seen a little more of the inside of it than I had. But neither of us knew that he had partnered with them, that he had an in that meant he could get me the woman on my wish list.
She’s waiting for me to pick her up near Bangkok. She’s been told she has been sold and is going back to North America. She’s about to turn twenty-three, she’s a beautiful redhead, and she’s been in captivity for two years. There’s no way I can accept this gift, keep a woman who was bought for me. I need to pick her up and set her free. Don’t I?
Life isn’t always what you think it’ll be. Sometimes it falls short and sometimes you get more than you ever dreamed was possible, even if it doesn’t play out the way you expected.
Life throws curveballs and when you sit and dream about an obstacle being in the way of your happiness and that obstacle finally gets moved it’s not always smooth sailing like you thought it’d be.
One night just a few days after we got married, my husband had my throat in a crushing hold during the throes of a nightmare and I almost didn’t make it out of it. After a huge argument, Tommy agreed to therapy, and I don’t know yet if it’s helping or not. Right now, it almost seems like it’s making it worse because he’s facing facts and hard truths about himself. It’s making him go from aloof and quiet one minute to broody and growly the next. I hope the old adage of “it gets worse before it gets better” is true because that’ll mean it will eventually get better.
I also hope I’ve seen the worst already.
I’ve tried to reassure him that he had no choice but to shoot his father.
Tom Sr. wanted a showdown. He wanted to punish his son for his perceived betrayal and Tom probably would’ve killed me and maybe would’ve killed him, too.
But I know Tommy feels guilt even if he won’t admit it. He has nightmares that he won’t talk about. Sometimes I can calm him down with a cuddle when he’s moaning in his sleep and he won’t even wake up. Sometimes he gets out of bed after jackknifing straight up, sweaty and hyperventilating, and then he doesn’t want to be touched. Sometimes he just disappears to the roof terrace to beat on the heavy bag in the middle of the night or swim a dozen laps. And sometimes he wakes up and takes me…devours me, fucks me hard and rough and like his life depends on it.
Sometimes, when he’s really aloof or broody and I can’t figure out how to help him through it, I push and pick fights with him until he pushes back and his pushing back usually means that his control snaps and that means extra rough sex. Afterwards, he’s always a bit more himself. Sometimes it lasts a few hours, sometimes a few days.
Tom Sr.’s funeral was hard. Lisa was in rough shape and then she found out a week after Tom died that she was pregnant.
Tessa and her boys moved in with her and I think they’re helping one another heal from the loss of Tom as well as Tessa’s husband James.
Me? I think maybe I need therapy, too. My father, poor excuse for one that he is, the man who sold me to pay a debt to Tommy’s father and who thought it’d buy him an opportunity to be a big shot… he’s still incarcerated, but he’s alive and safe. For now. Last I heard, anyway.
I struggle daily with my situation, with what my life has become. But I can’t imagine living without Tommy being the center of my universe. Our relationship isn’t healthy; I know this. I also know that I don’t want a life without him in it. Hopefully in time we can find our way to a healthier place.
Tommy is so protective of me it feels smothering some days. We rarely leave home; I never get to go anywhere without him. And the sex? Even when it doesn’t come on the heels of a nightmare it’s pretty rough sometimes. But it’s what we both need. We both get release. He gets confirmation that I’m his; he gets full control over one thing in his life. And me? I get to be his, get to help him by giving him what he needs and it’s not altogether altruistic either, because I get to let go of the crap in my head and for a few minutes I feel totally, utterly, free. He takes control and for those few minutes (or sometimes, those few hours) I worry about nothing.