Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
He’s sitting on the foot of the bed, and nearby is a small armchair. The doctor must have pulled closer to him before they started their session. I move slowly towards it, trying to read him as I cross the room. “How did the session go?” I wish I didn’t sound so nervous, but I can’t help it. I don’t know what to expect. He could be Ren right now, but River tends to take control at the drop of a hat.
“What, the doctor didn’t tell you all about it?” The resentment hanging heavy in his voice is a hand wrapping itself around my heart and squeezing tight. He knows. I feel it. And right away, I am almost overcome by the impulse to apologize and beg his forgiveness.
“You know there’s only so much she can tell me. I’m not trying to pry.” Maybe it’s not such a great idea to sit close to him, but I’m not going to run away in fear. I love him too much for that.
Once I’m perched carefully in the chair, he lifts his head and hits me with a flat stare. There is so much swirling in his dark eyes. “So, was it fun? Did you enjoy yourself?”
I will not cry. I won’t shrink away, either. “What do you mean?”
“He left me a note. River. He told me what you two did.” All at once he almost jumps to his feet, and I lean back in the chair when instinct tells me to stay out of his way. I will not run. I am not going to run away from him, now or ever. Still, he’s not making it easy to stay put while he walks around clenching and unclenching his fists.
“I can explain,” I offer in a whisper.
“Oh, you can explain. Like that’s going to change anything.” His snide laughter is so much like River’s, it makes me shudder.
“It won’t change anything, but it might help you understand. I bet he made it sound like I went running to him or something because we had a fight. Right? He probably tried to rub it in your face.” I’ve already been through all of this in my head, practicing it in bed while I knew he was busy in his session. It's like a script by now, something I’ve memorized and can rattle off, even while he stares at me with so much pain etched across his handsome face. Practice was the only way I knew I could get through this.
Though even now, it’s not easy to keep my head held high under the weight of his accusatory stare. “That’s not how it was at all. He turned into River during our fight.”
He turns his back on me, staring out the window. “Is that when you told him about the baby?”
All the air in my lungs rushes out of me at once. That bastard. “He told you about that,” I whisper while my heart breaks.
“Do you think maybe I deserved to hear about it?”
“I only told him…” A tear slips down my cheek and I rub it away, my voice breaking before I manage to catch my breath and try again. “I told him because I guess I was hoping I could protect myself that way. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you, seriously. You have to believe me.”
“What about now?” I catch his profile, silhouetted against the glaring sunlight when he turns his head to the side. “Would you have told me about the baby if he hadn’t forced your hand? What are we going to do?”
“We don't have to worry about it. I was wrong.” Not now. Please, not now. I don’t want to break down. I don’t want to make this more complicated. And for all I know, the sight of me weeping could bring River to the surface. He seems to enjoy it when I’m in pain.
“So you're not pregnant?” I wish I could tell whether he’s glad or not.
My head swings back and forth before I manage to speak. “I assumed I was, that’s all. But I took a test, and it was negative. So there goes that.”
A few heavy, silent moments pass before he asks, “How do you feel about it?”
“I’ll get over it.” I’m trying. I really am. But grief doesn’t follow our schedules.
“You… wanted the baby?”
I hate the disbelief I hear coming from him. How can he doubt me? “I mean, I was a little freaked out when I first thought I might be pregnant,” I admit. “But… I don’t know. It would have grown a piece of us inside of me. I guess I didn’t know how much I wanted to do that until I saw the negative test. I know it doesn’t make any sense.”
He’s quiet for a long time before he finally grunts. “No. It does. And now, you’re not tied down to me, so that’s a plus.” There’s a bitter note running through his words.