Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
But not once did I ever look at him as anything more than a friend. Not because he isn’t boyfriend material, because he totally is. The guys have been ragging on him for being a hopeless romantic for years. He isn’t known for hooking up with random women, and he hasn’t been seen with many over the years anyway. Still, when he is, it’s clear he’s spending time with them, getting to know them, and not just using them as a hole to fill like the other guys did before Camden and Braxton settled down… and Gage—my heart clenches when I think about everything he’s been through. I hope he’s getting the help he needs.
My point is, I never viewed Declan as being anything more than a friend, and I think it’s because I knew he was boyfriend material. He’s sweet and caring and selfless. Take last night—he asked me multiple times if I was sure I wanted to cross the line, knowing we’d been drinking. And when we crossed that line, he made sure my pleasure came first, something most guys don’t consider—at least not the ones I’ve been with.
Which leads me to my very long-winded point. I never considered Declan an option because I think I knew deep down he would be the perfect boyfriend, and if my track record is anything to go by, I would mess it all up, like I always do… Because I’m not capable of loving anyone or being loved. At least not with anyone outside of my family. And even when I’m with them, I feel like an outsider, as if I’m missing a certain chromosome that allows me to simply feel happy and content.
But then I spent the night with Declan—and this morning—and for a little while, it felt like that chromosome wasn’t lost. I wasn’t the broken pop star, known for stiffing men—a stupid name I was given after a few—okay, a lot—of my relationships ended with me running, and then a few months later, releasing songs that may or may not have been about our time together.
I smile to myself, remembering the way my heart beat a bit faster in Declan’s arms. The way I felt adored and cherished. And holy shit, the chemistry. I’ve been with quite a few guys in my thirty-one years, and none of them, and I mean none of them, could make me orgasm the way Declan did. But it wasn’t just about the sex. It was the way he looked at me like I was more than Kendall Blackwood, pop princess.
When he told me he’s had feelings for years, my first thought was nope, no way. I’m not going there. He’s my brother’s best friend and signed to the same label as me. He’s been a family friend for years. But when he looked at me and said he didn’t care what anyone thought, that life was too short and he wanted a chance to be with me, I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to be with him. To be happy and content. To create a family, to love and be loved…
It’s why I said yes to Kyle even though I knew he wasn’t the one. I’m thirty-one years old, and the only thing I have to show for it is my musical success. But I want more than that. I looked up my shitty bio dad, and while he created a family, he wasn’t a successful husband or father or human. And I don’t want to be like him. I want to be like my mom: a loving wife and mother. I want to know what it feels like to be in love and love someone else. I want to have a family and create a life outside of music. One I can be proud of.
Before spending the night with Declan, I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I was broken, damaged, and destined to settle or be alone. But now, everything looks different, like the sky is bluer, the sun is brighter. I’m capable of more with him.
But first, I have to break things off with Kyle and get my shit together. Once I do that, I can go back to Declan so we can see where this will go.
The car is about to pull into my condominium complex to drop me off in the underground parking lot when a loud siren rings out—a police car or ambulance. My driver is stuck in traffic—fucking NYC—and tries to get out of the way, but before he can, an SUV turns the corner like he’s part of one of those reality programs that shows car chases. He’s not paying attention to everyone trying to move over for the siren, and that’s when the siren appears. Then it dawns on me that the SUV is in a car chase, and that siren is after him.