Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 72060 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72060 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
His eyebrows draw together. “What does that mean?”
“These dates we’ve been going on? I think I’ve gone and caught feelings.”
Fuck, it feels good to get it out there. To someone who knows Austin well.
“I knew it.” He grins. “We told you guys you’d be good together.”
“We?”
“Milo and I.”
I glance over his shoulder as if Milo will suddenly appear. “Why does it seem like you two are conspiring?”
He laughs. “We’re not—unless we see each other out and you two are around.”
“Seriously?” I think back to karaoke night and seeing them whispering about something. Probably comparing notes. “You’ve been doing this behind the scenes without us knowing?”
“Sort of. It’s hard to resist.”
I shake my head and smirk. “Except, Austin might not even suspect how I feel. From what I’ve seen, our practice sessions have done the trick. He’s more confident talking to men and going on dates. I don’t want to take that away from him.”
Kael rolls his eyes. “Austin is crazy about you.”
My breath hitches. “He told you that?”
“Not in so many words, but it’s obvious to everyone except you two dopes.”
“Then why haven’t I gotten that vibe from him?”
He folds his arms and gives me a pointed look. “Could it be because you always say you’re not dating material?”
“Fuck, you’re right.” I briefly screw my eyes shut. “Been saying it for so long, these feelings sneaked up on me.”
“Then I guess we need to infuse some confidence in you.”
“I’m confident. Except when it comes to this sort of stuff.”
“Then maybe it’s time for you to tell Austin how you feel.”
My stomach drops as fear creeps in. “But what if I’m wrong?”
“Isn’t that what life’s all about? Taking risks to go after what you want? And if it doesn’t work out in your favor, you learn from those experiences, right?”
I study Kael. I’ve never really appreciated all he must’ve been through. Maybe he’ll consider me a close enough friend someday to share his journey with me.
“I mean, take it from me,” Kael says. “I was terrified nobody would accept me for who I am. I still get scared, but I push forward.”
“You’re one of the bravest people I know.”
He offers me a sad smile. “Fake it until you make it, right?”
Before bed, I consider what Kael said about letting my true feelings show. I think about my mom and some of our harsher conversations and begin seeing her from a new perspective. Maybe each time a potential life partner crosses her path, she hopes against hope he’ll be the one. She’s a romantic at heart, but that optimism clouds her choices. In the end, she just wants to be happy and have someone love her for who she is, and isn’t that what life is all about?
Austin points out how attentive and thoughtful I am on our dates, and maybe that’s true. At least when it comes to him. He’s the only person I’ve ever put any effort toward, but it isn’t a hardship. I just care about him and always have.
The next morning, I’m showered and dressed early from sheer nervous energy.
“Where are you off to?” Milo asks from his bed.
“Have you ever heard of the grand gesture?”
He stifles a yawn. “Like in romance movies?”
“And in real life?” Fuck, maybe my idea isn’t such a good one.
“Uh-huh. I tried it once, toward the end, with Lisa.”
I sit on the edge of my bed. “Did it work?”
“Sadly, no. She wanted us to take a break.” He frowns. “That’s a story for another day. But if I know who this grand-gesture idea is for, then I’m fully behind it. You need to put yourself out there.”
I grab my stomach. “Oh God, I’m gonna barf.”
“It’s gonna be great.”
I waffle all through my morning classes before finally heading to the bookstore and then to Luco Flowers. Austin has a shift at the coffee cart this afternoon, so I need to be speedy about it.
The bell above the door at Luco Flowers dings when I go in, and the owner looks up and smiles at me. “You’re back! Does this mean the poppies are working?”
I feel myself flush. “Yeah, I suppose they are.”
“So what can I get you this time?”
“A bouquet of different colored poppies.”
“Oooh, nice idea. We have white, pink, and red. Would that work?”
“That would be great. Do you think you can add some pink roses to the mix?”
She makes up the bouquet, and soon enough, I’m on my way back to campus.
Doubt begins creeping in the closer I get, so I find a bench to sit and get organized. I open my backpack and set the bouquet inside, leaving enough room so the flowers don’t get squished. Arranging them gives me some time to rebuild my confidence.
I sling my backpack over my shoulder and head toward the center of campus. When Austin and the coffee cart come into view, I lose my breath. It’s as if I’m seeing my best friend in a new light, one that underscores all the stuff I love most about him. Not only his hair and eyes and shy smile but also his tall stature and unassuming attractiveness. It’s his quiet fortitude to stand in his own truth and not back down from what he wants. And how he cares enough to be a solid foundation or a soft place for someone to land. He deserves the world and more.