Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 72060 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72060 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
We get a rideshare back to campus and are dropped off in front of Poli House.
“I’m sorry if I ruined our night.” I huff out an exasperated breath. “But at least let me explain myself better.”
Dex looks conflicted, but he says, “Please do.”
“The thing is, my first time is probably gonna hurt.” I pick at the hangnail on my thumb, nervous to say the rest. “But if it’s with you, then at least it’ll help me feel more comfortable.”
Dex’s jaw clenches as if he’s imagining such a scenario. “If the person who gets that privilege goes slow and takes care of your needs first, it won’t be as painful.”
“But there’s no guarantee of that, especially with a random hookup—if I decide to go that route.” Dex’s nostrils flare, which tells me he hates that idea. “I suppose I wouldn’t be the only person to have a terrible first-time experience, so maybe I’ll chalk it up to a rite of passage.”
“No.” Dex’s hardened eyes study me. It’s that look he gets when he’s feeling protective of me. “I asked you to let me think about it, and I meant it.”
So there’s a shred of hope after all. Though the odds seem low. “O…okay.”
He breathes out in relief. “For now, let me walk you to your dorm and kiss you good night like a proper date should.”
My knight in shining armor, I want to tease but hold back because of how serious he seems. “That’s pretty swoony for a guy who’s never had a proper date.”
“Sure, I have. Four of them, in fact.”
I swallow roughly as the butterflies go wild in my stomach.
He holds my hand as we walk across campus, then presses his lips against mine outside the dorm. I want more but don’t push. It feels like we’ve gone back in time to our tentative first date, and I blame myself for that.
“Night,” he says, and I watch him walk away.
31
DEX
Austin and I haven’t discussed a fifth date or the topic of sex since it came up during Putt-Putt last week. But that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it constantly. The idea that he would ask some rando to take his virginity really bothers me. But taking it myself does as well for vastly different reasons.
I want to talk to someone about it, and normally, I would go to Austin with these things, so it feels extra nerve-racking.
Milo and I are in the living room, playing a racing game, and I’m so distracted that I let him win more than once.
He pauses the game. “All right, something’s up.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been acting weird the past couple of days.” He thumps my shoulder. “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
My pulse is throbbing, but I almost can’t keep it inside anymore.
“I don’t want to betr—is it all right to speak only in hypotheticals?”
“Absolutely. Just go for it.”
“Okay, um…” I fiddle with the buttons on the controller. “What if you had a friend who’s never done the deed. And…they just want to get it over with, so they ask you to help them out.”
He throws me a meaningful look. “I see your dilemma.”
I blow out a breath, relieved to get it all out. “Of course, I’d like to help so the experience is less terrible.”
“God, don’t remind me,” he groans. “Is anyone’s first time amazing?”
“I mean, there’s gotta be someone out there.” I swallow, remembering my own had been quick and unfulfilling.
Milo laughs hollowly, then waits for me to get my thoughts together.
“But…will he resent me later?” I throw out. “Say, when he finally falls in love and wishes he could redo his first time with that person?”
Milo studies me for a long moment.
“It was my first time with Lisa. Hers too,” Milo says, and I can see the hurt in his expression but also the love. Maybe Austin is right that it’s romantic. Jesus, what has he done to me?
“Makes sense since you were both so young.”
“Yeah…and it was awful.” He snickers, recalling the memory. “But I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way because we learned and grew together.”
“Sure, you were in a relationship.” I shrug, not understanding his logic.
He shakes his head. “Not at the beginning. We were friends first, and both of us wanted to lose our virginity, so we made a pact.”
I straighten. “Whoa, you didn’t tell me that part.”
“Yep.” He has a faraway look in his eyes. “And that experience bonded us together instead of driving us apart. It’s hard to explain. The way we fumbled around, it could’ve been really awkward afterward, but it wasn’t.”
“Suppose I can see that.”
“All that to say, as long as you keep communication open, it doesn’t have to be a miserable thing. It can be special, memorable, even if it’s awful.”
“Thanks, man.” I feel lighter despite not having made up my mind yet. “Ready for me to kick your ass?”