Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100713 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100713 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
“Beckett,” I scolded lightly.
“What? Should I have lied? Pretended to feel something I didn’t?” he asked, a little testy. “This is why I don’t do relationships. I don’t want to have to explain my feelings constantly. And I don’t want to lie.”
“No. I didn’t mean that.” I sighed, shaking my head. “It’s good that you’re honest. Sam told me a bunch of bullshit about how much he valued family to get me to marry him and move to Ohio. Turns out, his job was always more important. Also, his gym membership, his hair, and his extracurricular love life.”
Beckett’s jaw clenched, and he tipped up his beer.
“But I’m finally rid of him, and I made myself a solemn promise—no more jerks.” I paused. “Even though that seems to be the only type of guy I ever attract.”
Beckett opened his mouth, and then closed it. Took another drink.
“What? Say it.”
“It’s nothing.”
I gave him a flat look. “Beckett. We’ve known each other too long for that.”
“I was just thinking that’s the only type of guy you ever chose.”
My shoulders drooped. “You’re right. My track record sucks.”
Beckett exhaled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, Maddie. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s fine. It’s the truth.”
He paused. “Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead.”
He looked at me intently. “Why did you always choose jerks? You could have had anybody.”
Heat rushed my face, and I looked at my lap. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do.”
Swallowing hard, I met his eyes again. They were so blue and soft and curious. I wanted to spill my guts to him, tell him all the things I wouldn’t let myself say back then.
But I couldn’t. Even after all this time, I just couldn’t.
“I don’t know why I chose jerks,” I lied. “I guess I was just young and stupid.”
“You were never stupid, Maddie. You were the smartest person I knew. That’s why I always wondered.”
His deep, quiet voice made the butterflies in my stomach whirl and flip and crash into one another. Go home, butterflies, I thought. You’re drunk.
I picked at the label on my beer bottle. “You know, you asked me that question once before.”
“I did?”
“Yes. It was before prom, and you asked me why I was with Jason. We were here studying, but I was upset, so we went outside.” I glanced at him. “You remember?”
He swallowed. “Yes.”
“You kissed me that day,” I blurted.
His eyes held mine, but he said nothing.
“We never talked about it.”
“What was there to talk about? You had a boyfriend. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Maybe not, but I was glad you did.”
He stared at me like he didn’t believe it. “Why?”
“Because it made me feel good.” I managed a smile, although my throat had grown tight. “Even if you only did it because you felt sorry for me.”
“You think I did it because I felt sorry for you?”
“Well . . . yes.” I felt confused. “Wasn’t that the reason?”
“Uh, no. That was not the reason.” He laughed a little and shook his head.
“How was I supposed to know the reason? You never said anything!”
“I think I was hoping that kiss would have a different effect on you,” he said wryly.
“Like what?”
“Like maybe you’d realize that your boyfriend was a fucking asshole and you’d go to the prom with me instead.”
I stared at him. “Beckett. You didn’t ask me.”
“I couldn’t—you had a boyfriend.” Shaking his head, he took another drink. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.”
“I guess not.” But somehow it felt like it did. I picked at the label on the bottle again. “Who did you end up asking?”
“Uh . . .” He had to think. “Katie Keaton. Because you told me to.”
“I did?”
He nodded. “I’m pretty sure it was your idea.”
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah. She wasn’t too thrilled when I said I was leaving to take you home. But it was okay.”
I remembered how Beckett had walked me to the door—I’d been a sobbing mess—and made sure I got in okay, never once laying a finger on me. Not even a hug. “Well, good. I’m glad one of us had a nice romantic night.”
“I didn’t say it was romantic.”
“You mean you didn’t get lucky?”
He made a noise at the back of his throat. “I didn’t get that kind of lucky until college. I was the only one of my friends who waited that long.”
“I love that. It shows that it really meant something to you.”
That made him laugh.
“It wasn’t meaningful?”
“It was too fast to be meaningful. She was more experienced, and I had no idea what I was doing.”
“Come on, it couldn’t have been that bad.”
“Oh. It was,” he assured me. “It was so bad, she felt sorry for me and offered to give me a few tips on what girls liked.”
My jaw dropped. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. It was quite an education.”
I tried to imagine what he might have learned and immediately pictured his head between my thighs, right here on the couch. Heat swept across my chest and back, and desire fluttered at my core. Hot and woozy, I had to set my beer bottle down and take off my cardigan.