Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Confused, hurt, exhausted, I … “I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to that.”
“I’m not telling you to manipulate you. Whether I have a panic attack is entirely my issue to deal with. I just … I need you to know that I know I’m fucked up. But I want to be better.”
I stepped back into the house, shaking my head against my warring emotions. A huge part of me just wanted to forgive him. To believe him. But I was scared now. “I told you. I warned you that if you told me to go like I don’t matter, I would go. Well, this is me, going.” I moved to close the door, but Theo shot forward, expression desperate as he pressed a palm to the wood to stop me.
“Sarah, you matter,” he insisted urgently. “Don’t you see that? You matter more than anybody. And it terrifies me. But … losing you terrifies me more.” Theo swallowed hard. “I am not one to beg, Sarah. Pride is one of my greatest faults. But I’m begging you now. Please forgive me. Forgive me.”
Heart pounding at his declaration, staring up at this man who was so familiar to me, but saying things I never expected to hear him say … I slumped, releasing my hold on the door.
Theo charged me, yanking me into him, but I couldn’t make myself hold him.
Until it registered that he was trembling against me. “Please,” he whispered harshly in my ear, “please, little darling, please forgive me. I’m going to be better. Braver. For you.”
And because I loved him so much and wanted so desperately to believe him, I pulled back but only to clasp his face in my hands. His stubble rasped against my palms. “One last chance,” I warned. “And I mean it. I won’t let anyone treat me like that, Theo. Not even you.”
He nodded, his grip tight, almost frantic. “I know. I know. You matter, Sarah. You matter more than anyone.”
A tear slipped down my cheek as I held on to tenuous hope that he spoke the truth, and I melted into him as he kissed my tears away, murmuring apologies and endearments over and over as he did.
Twenty-Three
THEO
It was strange how effortlessly I’d gone from desiring autonomy and solitude to craving the company of a beautiful, quiet Scot and her sharp wit. Unfortunately, as much as she’d forgiven me, Sarah had put some boundaries in place for now. That meant she turned down (several times) my request that she stay at Ardnoch Castle with me. Instead, she’d decided to remain at the farmhouse. I attempted not to take it too personally, knowing she deserved space from me after what I did. Yet, I was afraid to give her too much of it.
I’d wanted to make love to her after she’d forgiven me, but she asked if we could wait until she felt safe with me again. Knowing she didn’t feel safe with me was like a knife to the gut.
What had this little mouse done to me?
No one who knew me would believe anyone could have such power over Theo Cavendish, let alone a shy country housekeeper. Little did they know she was so much bloody more than that.
Since Sarah wouldn’t stay at Ardnoch and I hadn’t been invited to stay at the farmhouse, I convinced her to meet in the village every day. We both wrote separately in the morning (and I missed writing with her, asking her advice on a scene, or returning the favor for her) and then spent the afternoon together. Sometimes our sessions were interrupted by work calls I had to take, but at least it was something.
Though I swear it felt like I hadn’t touched her in a million years.
It had been three days since I’d followed her here. I’d brought the Christmas presents she’d left behind, which won me some brownie points. But I still felt a distance between us. A disconnect. And it was painful.
I wanted to take things slow for her, but I also had to remind her about why we were so good together. If it had been only physical attraction, both of us would’ve grown bored by now, so it wasn’t just about that. But physical connection was important. Today I had it in mind that I’d steal a kiss and see how it went from there.
The club was busy at this time of year, and I was a last-minute booking, which meant I was lucky to secure a room at the castle and not be ousted to one of the estate’s lodges. However, my room was smaller than I was used to, and it didn’t have a sea view, which was unfortunate. Closing the door behind me as I left for the day, I nodded to a few members in the corridor on my way downstairs but made no attempt to stop and chat. I was on a mission.