Total pages in book: 204
Estimated words: 193115 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 966(@200wpm)___ 772(@250wpm)___ 644(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 193115 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 966(@200wpm)___ 772(@250wpm)___ 644(@300wpm)
“Sorry,” she says, making me feel even worse. “This is your fault, Ward.”
“Mine?” I gawp at her, my mind telling me to shut the fuck up but my ego preventing me. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Do not ask. “What’s my fault and how?” Twat. Is she suspicious? God, I can’t quite believe I’ve stooped to such a low myself. Does she think I’m capable of such an underhanded act? And if she does, why the fuck is she still here?
Because she loves you, you fool, and that may be the only thing that saves you.
“Nothing.” She shakes her head to herself. “But it’s your fault because you’re distracting me.”
Distracting her. Like, stopping her from thinking of anything else but me? That makes me a very, very happy man. “You love me distracting you,” I say around a smile.
What the fuck am I playing at stealing her pills? It’s betrayal of the worst kind. It’s yet another lie I could get caught in. But I know the truth. Keeping this amazing woman isn’t my only objective. A lost part of me would also do anything to right my wrongs as a father.
It’s no excuse. Nothing would make this okay. I take little comfort in the fact that I’m aware of that.
* * *
My plan is a simple one. Get her to work fast, hope she gets all of her work done fast, get her back in my bed fast.
I dip and weave through the early morning traffic, my mind constantly wandering to crazy places. Crazy but wonderful. Crazy but amazing. Crazy but stable. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman. I’m not being compulsive, I’m being a realist. This crazy can’t end. I need it. More than I need redemption, because without it, I don’t feel like I can ever have redemption, and despite there being many I need forgiveness from, Ava is the only person alive who can give me that forgiveness. With her mercy, I can move on. Build on my dreams. Forgive myself.
I pull up down the street from her office and shift in my seat to face her. Her smile is demure. Her eyes bottomless pits of possibilities. She can’t be this close without me touching her.
Reaching for her full lips, I rub my thumb from one side to the other, and her mouth falls open a fraction. Just this simple, tiny touch. Explosions. “I love waking up with you.” I hate the unstoppable thoughts haunting me but having her around makes them more bearable. She makes me think harder. Want better.
“I love waking up with you too,” she replies softly, turning her face slightly into my touch. “But I don’t like being run ragged at five in the morning.”
“You would prefer to be fucked ragged?” I ask, my hand sliding down her front.
“No, I prefer sleepy sex.” She leans across the car, dislodging my hand from her chest, and plants a fleeting kiss on my lips. I don’t get a second to appreciate it or escalate it. She’s out of the car quickly, leaving me a burning mess in front of the wheel, wondering where the fuck the rest of that kiss is. “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.” She smiles sweetly, and my frown deepens. Tomorrow? Definitely not. “Thank you for exhausting me before work.” The door shuts, and my brain doesn’t work nearly fast enough to tell me to stop her. I sit, pouting, wrestling back my compulsion to dive out and pin her to the ground to convince her otherwise.
“Tomorrow?” I ask myself, seeing her disappear into her office. “Tomor . . . oh no.” It’s Friday. She thinks she’s going out with Kate tonight. “Over my dead body.” Visions of wine and a stumbling Ava is suddenly all I can see. Drunk Ava. Reckless Ava. Vulnerable Ava. “Not happening,” I say to myself, starting my car and performing a quick three-point-turn in the road. I cruise past her office slowly, looking through the window. She’s already at her desk. Head down. Pen in hand. I roll to a stop, trying to conjure up a viable excuse to stop her going out tonight.
You’re being unreasonable, Ward.
“I don’t think I am,” I say quietly, drumming the steering wheel. The last time Ava was let loose with too much alcohol, her ex made a pass and she was in no fit state to fight him off.
She also told you she loves you.
That part was nice. A shocker, but nice.
She also promised you she wouldn’t drink tonight.
I laugh out loud. I’m not stupid. I know a lie when I’m being told one. She was appeasing me.
Beep! “God damn it,” I mutter, looking up at my rearview mirror, finding a dustbin wagon up my arse. I speed off down Bruton Street, trying to figure out how I can change her mind.