Total pages in book: 235
Estimated words: 227851 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1139(@200wpm)___ 911(@250wpm)___ 760(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 227851 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1139(@200wpm)___ 911(@250wpm)___ 760(@300wpm)
“Daddy,” she sings, jumping up and down on Jake’s shoulders, making him laugh.
“Steady, girl, my shoulders aren’t as big as your dad’s.”
Confused as fuck, I look at my shoulders. Wide shoulders in an expensive suit. Older shoulders. What the hell is going on? Looking up at my girl, I stare, transfixed. Awed. I just want to grab her down and squeeze her. And Jake too. “Where are we?” I ask. “What is this?” I move forward and nearly knock myself out when I crash into something invisible. “The fuck?” I blurt, ricocheting back.
“Watch your mouth, Daddy.”
I recoil, surprised, as Jake laughs his adolescent nuts off and Rosie chuckles, the sound squeaky and completely adorable. “Watch your mouth, bro.” Jake smirks.
I tentatively reach forward with my hand, feeling for the glass blocking my way to them. Could I smash it?
“No,” Jake says. “I wouldn’t even try.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We’re in heaven, Daddy!”
“We are?” I look around, so fucking confused. “It looks like St. James’s Park to me.”
“Heaven is wherever you want it to be,” Jake says. “We chose here, didn’t we, Rosie?”
“Quack, quack, quack.”
I laugh lightly, but it’s tinged with nerves. “Heaven,” I muse, looking down at my stomach. At the knife.
“You’re not in heaven,” Jake says, winning my attention.
“Where am I then?”
“Well, you’re kind of in-between.”
“What? In-between where and where?” Shit, am I going down instead of up?
“It’s not your time yet, Jesse,” Jake says, smiling, backing up. Where’s he going? I’m not done.
“Wait,” I yell, my hands on the invisible barrier between us, my eyes bouncing between my brother and daughter, desperate to go with them. But—
“Ava,” I whisper. It’s not my time.
“You’re going to have a girl and a boy!” Rosie sings.
“What?”
“You better name the boy after me,” Jake says, chuckling. “And let me tell you, if you think the past twenty years have been a punishment, wait until you meet your little girl.” He’s getting farther and farther away, fading.
“Jake, wait,” I call, my palms feeling across the barrier, my face pushed up close. “Please don’t go.” Don’t leave me.
“You’re needed, bro.” His smile is like a balm, but I see the sadness in his green eyes. He misses me. “We’re good.”
“You’re good,” I murmur.
“And Daddy?” Rosie says, palms on the top of Jake’s head, leaning closer as he continues to back away.
“What, baby girl?” I whisper, taking her in, every beautiful inch of her, refreshing all the memories I have of her. “Take the money.”
“The money?” I frown. “What money? I have money.”
“See you soon, Daddy.”
“It’s not that soon, my girl.” Jake laughs, eyes on me. “You’re never alone, Jesse.” He smiles. “Even when you’re alone.” Jake looks past me, and then I hear her.
“Jesse, please, open your eyes.”
I look back over my shoulder.
“Why isn’t he waking up? It’s been too long.”
“Ava?” I question, searching for her in the blankness.
“Go to her,” Jake calls.
“But what about you?” I ask, my panic rising again. Am I supposed to choose? “I should be with you.” It should have always been me.
I face the glass again, feel it. Search the space beyond.
They’re gone.
And my heart breaks all over again.
48
It’s the strangest feeling. I can’t open my eyes, can’t talk, can’t feel, can’t move a fucking muscle. I’ve tried. Endlessly. I’m trapped in a body that’s refusing to work.
But I can hear. I can’t respond, but I can hear, and I can think. I’m not in a good way, I know that. I’ve heard the lowdown, the details of my surgery, what everyone’s expectations are. It’s a waiting game for them. For me, it’s just a matter of when I have the strength to open my fucking eyes. It’s not your time, Jesse.
“Wake up,” I hear Ava say for the thousandth time.
I’m trying, baby.
“You stubborn man.”
You have a nerve, Ava Ward.
“Why won’t he wake up, Mum?”
“He’s healing, darling. He needs to heal.”
Oh great. My adorable mother-in-law is in town. I might just stay exactly where I am, silent and still, until she fucks off.
“It’s been too long. I need him to wake up. I miss him.” The bed jolts beneath me, and then I hear her cries.
No, baby, no more tears. I can’t stand it.
“Oh, Ava, darling, you need to eat,” Elizabeth says.
Yes, she does. Someone, feed this woman immediately.
“I’m not hungry,” Ava snaps.
Give me strength.
“I’m making a list of your disobediences, and I’ll be telling Jesse about each and every one of them when he comes round.”
No need, Elizabeth. I’ve made my own notes, and I can tell you your daughter is lined up to receive twelve Sense Fucks, eight Retribution Fucks, and five Apology Fucks. I’d leave town if I were you.
“Beatrice and Henry have just arrived, darling.”
What the fuck? My mum and dad?
“Can they come in?”
No, don’t let them in. Don’t let them see me like this. Jesus fucking Christ, I’m not at full strength. I can’t take that kind of stress.