Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
As I dug out my keys, I heard commotion from inside, and I stepped closer to the door.
“…still your children, Sandra.”
“You don’t think I know that?! But every time I look at them, I’m sucked back into how I felt when—”
“Please lower your voice, sweetie. I don’t want Casper to hear you.”
I clenched my jaw. By the sound of their voices, they were in the kitchen, and Casper’s room down the hall wasn’t too far away. Just past the living room.
“It makes perfect sense they might remind you of your depression, but you have to start somewhere.” Kathryn was pleading with her daughter to understand. “You can see your friends, you’re eating better, you’re talking about going back to work for your father, your bond with Casper is growing every day, and you’re slowly shouldering more responsibilities here at home again, but, Sandra, you have to try to connect to the twins. You cannot pretend like they don’t exist. It’s neglect. And I won’t stand for it. Neither will Roe.”
I took a steadying breath, having never appreciated my mother-in-law more.
“You will wake up one day with regrets,” Kathryn went on. “And do you think Casper won’t notice? Do you think he won’t bring it up when he’s older? He’s already so observant for his age. He’ll want to know why his mommy won’t spend time with his siblings.”
I swallowed hard. I feared Cas had already picked up on things. Sandra’s depression had cast a shadow over our condo, as depression always fucking did, and I would never blame Sandra for that. Ever. But it still came with consequences that affected everyone nearby, and Casper was too young to understand how and why. He just knew he couldn’t go near Mommy when she was sad and staying in bed. He was wary at times, and I’d caught him scolding Adam and Callie for crying too loudly more than once. Shit like that almost broke me. All I could do was explain to him as simply and diplomatically as possible—and take the kids out of the house often. I didn’t want them walking on eggshells.
Deep down, Sandra didn’t want that either. I had to believe that.
I almost missed her response to Kathryn. It was too quiet, but I heard something about her talking to Dr. Carlson at the next appointment. If I wasn’t mistaken, she had one next week.
Just a few days later, I had my bags packed in the hallway for our trip to northern Washington. Jake was picking me up in twenty minutes.
In the meantime, I was flat on my back on the living room carpet, and I had three giggling kids climbing all over me.
“Why do you—” I chuckled and pulled Adam’s hand out of my mouth. “Always—always with the hand in Daddy’s mouth. Why? Huh? Why, you little terror?” I tickled him.
He squealed and sat up to bounce on my chest.
“Oomph,” I coughed and stilled him. “Ouch! My fu—dge. Callie, don’t bite Daddy’s toes!”
“Dada, baba!” she laughed.
Casper snickered and dragged his sister away. “No biting, Callie! Daddy, ’member when Ninja was a baby and he bited me lots? He was like Callie.”
I laughed softly and automatically turned my head toward the couch. Ninja had two favorite spots to sleep when he wasn’t with Casper in his room—on the armrest of the couch, left side because it was sunny there, and the laundry basket in the bathroom.
The kitten we’d adopted for Casper’s birthday last year had well and truly become all his. He followed my boy around all over—but kept his distance from the twins. I couldn’t blame the little fella. It was a slow process to teach kids to respect animals. But Ninja had earned his name. He was good at evading the twins’ chubby paws.
I had to admit I’d grown attached to the cat too. I was more of a dog person, really, but Ninja was cute as fuck. Nearly black, with even darker stripes, one green eye, one blue.
It just wasn’t feasible for us to have a dog, partly because they needed more attention, partly because Sandra’s stipulation was “As long as I don’t have to care for it.”
Callie threw herself over my face, and I caught her just in time. I growled playfully and nibbled at her tummy. She laughed and thrashed like a fish on land. God—I didn’t want them to lose this adorable chubbiness.
“Gamma’s here!” Cas declared and sprinted out of the living room. “Hi, Gamma!”
“Hi, my sweetie pie!”
“Oh-hey.” I grunted and sat up, causing my chunky monkeys to fall down my lap. “Let’s get you ready for Gramma and Grampa.”
It was still too soon to leave Sandra alone, at least with the twins, so I was thankful for Kathryn swooping in. All the kids would stay with them while I was away, and Sandra would spend most of her time at their house too. It felt much safer for me as well. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to focus on my work if I knew she was on her own with the youngest.