Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Matthew comes over. “How’s the hand?” He looks at my hand, and I clench it into a fist.
“It hurts,” I tell him quietly as the three men clean up and pick up shit. “I need you to know that I had no idea she was coming here. I would never …”
“She deserves a man who will put her first,” Matthew says. “She deserves a man who is going to love her with every single part of his being.” I listen to the words. “She deserves a man who is going to fight for her.”
“She deserves someone else,” I tell him, the pain of those words cutting right through me. “She deserves perfect, and that isn’t me.” He doesn’t argue with me; he just nods his head. “What can I do to help?”
“You need to get the fuck out and take a shower,” Jeffrey says. “The last thing you need to do is touch any of this.”
“We’ve got this,” Matthew says. “Go take care of your hand.” I nod at them and head to the bedroom and sit on the bed, putting my head into my hands.
I feel hollow like a shell. Everything is moving around me—my heart is beating, my lungs are exhaling and inhaling—but I feel empty. My eyes close, and I fall on the bed. The last thing I see before the darkness comes to take me are her eyes, and the voice that meets me in my dreams repeating over and over again.
I can’t love you for both of us.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Zoe
“Hey,” Evan whispers, and I open my eyes. At least I try to, but they feel heavy and puffy.
“Hey.” I hear Zara sit up beside me. “Did you just get in?”
“Yeah,” he whispers and goes to her side of the bed, and I feel the bed dip down. “I missed you.” I hear them kiss, and if it was any other time, I would fake gag, but instead, my heart just aches.
“It’s almost six a.m., she says to him. “You look exhausted.”
“I’m past exhausted,” he says to her and then lies down next to her, and she pushes into me more. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” Evan says, and I turn over to see him lying behind Zara with his arms around her waist and his hand on her stomach. “How you doing?”
“My eyes feel like they weigh seven thousand pounds,” I tell them, and Zara reaches out and wipes away a tear that I didn’t know was falling. Our eyes meet now, and she has her own tears. “My whole body hurts.”
“If it makes you feel better, you aren’t the only one,” Evan says, and Zara whips her head around and looks at him. “Don’t you dare.”
“Sweet Zara,” he says, using her nickname. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying,” she says. “It’s called hormones.” She sits up and struggles a bit since her bump is getting bigger by the day. “You know, before you, we would already be planning his demise.”
“Zara,” Evan says, groaning. “I didn’t want to do this, but if I have no choice, I will.”
She folds her arms over her chest on top of her baby bump. “Meaning?”
Evan sits up now and looks at her and then me. “Matthew was at Viktor’s when I got there.”
I get up myself now, tossing the covers over and getting out of bed. “I don’t care,” I say, going into the bathroom and turning on the cold water in the sink. I avoid the mirror at all costs. I don’t need the mirror to tell me I look horrible. Splashing the water on my face, I dab it dry with the hand towel. I open the door and hear them still talking.
“I’m just saying that I would want you to know,” Evan says.
“Oh, please,” Zara says. “What would you want me to know exactly?”
“Guys,” I say to them, and they look over at me. Zara now sitting on my side of the bed. “How is this? You have three minutes to tell me what you want to, and then you aren’t going to bring it up ever again.”
“Zoe,” Zara says. “It’s not …”
“Three minutes.” I look at Evan, ignoring Zara. I get ready for what he will say, or at least, I think I’m ready. I’m not.
“He’s just as broken as you are. He hasn’t said three words to anyone except to explain how it went down. I got there when they were cleaning up, so I don’t know what happened after you left. But,” he says, looking down at his hands, “from what Max told me, he called Matthew after he tossed everyone out.” He looks at Zara and then at me. “He didn’t touch it.”
My heart lets out a little flip that at least he fought through the urge. “I’m glad that his recovery is still continuing, but it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t …” I stop talking and roll my lips, the lone tear escaping and falling out over my eyelid and onto the floor. It splatters like my heart feels. “I can’t be in this. I can’t be there.”