Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 136743 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136743 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
“There are plenty of times I’ve asked myself if I was cut out for it,” I laugh. “This afternoon, for example, the clash with Inez had me questioning. And then we had a close call with Judah Cross. If Inez knew it was him, it would only have made things worse.”
As soon as I say his name, I fix my eyes on my bowl of chili, feeling the weight of both their stares.
“Don’t even act like you can just leave it there,” Hendrix says. “You invoked the name of that fine-ass accountant. Tell it.”
I can’t stop the smile from spilling onto my face. “He was my last delivery.”
“Wait.” Yasmen sits up straighter. “He bought a basket?”
“He did.” I nod, biting my bottom lip. “He said he didn’t expect me to deliver it personally. We were both kind of shocked. I haven’t seen him since everything went down.”
“Why was it a close call?” Yasmen asks with a small frown.
“Because Inez was headed back from her last delivery and saw me on Judah’s porch with him. She blames him for Edward’s situation, which is ridiculous, but Edward always talked so badly about Judah in front of the kids. He was the one who discovered the theft, but Edward did it.”
“And you didn’t want her to see you making heart eyes at him?” Hendrix teases.
“I was not making heart eyes,” I say, feeling my cheeks heat.
“Was he still fine, though?” Hendrix asks.
“As hell,” I reply without missing a beat. I bounce a glance between the two of them, and we all laugh on that invisible cue that comes with familiar friendship.
“I know he was.” Hendrix hmm hmm hmms. “How was seeing him again?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Weird. Great. He helped me when he didn’t have to.”
I hesitate before confessing. “I met him at Edward’s Christmas party last year before all this happened, and we kind of had a moment or something.”
“Do tell,” Yasmen leans forward and rests her elbows on the dining room table, chin in her hands. “You been holding out on us.”
“Not holding out.” I pull my hair over one shoulder and toy with the curls restlessly. “I was attracted to him. Like, really attracted to him, and I felt guilty because obviously I was a married woman.”
“You ain’t now,” Hendrix says. “Was he feeling you too?”
“I… I think so.” I close my eyes and draw a sharp breath. “It felt like it. Feels like it. Even today it was like if you lit a match in our general vicinity, we’d combust.”
I lean in conspiratorially and lower my voice to a whisper. “And he asked if I’d have coffee with him.”
“Coffee?” Yasmen clutches imaginary pearls. “Scandalous.”
“It’s not the coffee itself that’s the problem.” I split a look between them. “I’m not ready for anything with anyone right now, much less something as complicated as going out with the man who put my ex-husband in prison. It’s too… messy, and I don’t want messy.”
“You could just fuck him,” Hendrix says. “There’s no law against that.”
“Hen! She wouldn’t do that.” Yasmen slides a You can tell me look my way. “Would you?”
“Of course not.” I gather my empty bowl and stand. “I’m really enjoying this time on my own, if I’m being honest. I spent my whole adult life with Edward. I poured a lot into him. It’s time to pour into me.”
“I like the sound of that,” Hendrix says. “I’m sorry I suggested it. You know my horny ass denies myself nothing when it comes to sex.”
“I’m horny too,” I admit shamelessly. “But my vibrator won’t break my heart and won’t set unrealistic expectations for what I’m getting from a relationship. I’ve been talking with my therapist about self-partnering.”
“Girl, I’ve been accidentally self-partnering for years.” Hendrix grabs a slice of mango from the fruit tray I laid as dessert. “I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time. Now, dick? That I would miss, but some dude all up on me and expecting me to put him first all the time? And getting my spare pillow hot and drooly? Oh, hell no.”
“If there’s ever a woman not in need of self-partnering,” I joke, “it’s you, Hen. All the stuff my therapist is talking through, it sounds like you’ve already learned.”
“Well, she wasn’t married to a con man,” Yasmen asserts. “You were.”
“I’m only now realizing how Edward subtly cut me down all the time to keep me feeling dependent on him for my worth. All these years I thought we were working together, but Edward thought I wasn’t working at all. He viewed me as a dependent, not a partner, even though he couldn’t have accomplished half of what he has without me.”
“He’s a narcissist,” Hendrix says. “He needed to be the center of everything.”
“If you need a season of being alone,” Yasmen says, “take it.”