Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 136743 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136743 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
I let her words wash over me, soothing the uncertainty of the last two weeks, unsure of how to respond. I gather her close again, unable to stay away with what I’ve seen in her eyes, felt in her arms, finally spoken.
“I love you too, Sol. There’s nothing I want more than a life with you.”
The light in her eyes dims a fraction, and she bites her lip, squeezes her eyes shut as if afraid to see my face when she utters her next words.
“Judah, I love you, but I meant what I said. I don’t know if I want marriage ever again. I do know I want you. Is that enough?”
I grasp her chin and wait for her to look at me, wanting to dash the uncertainty in her eyes.
“I don’t care about that. By the end of my marriage, Tremaine and I were basically roommates and co-caregivers. It wasn’t about passion or connection or love or any of the things that make a marriage real. I want those things. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s wrapped in a marriage license or secured by a set of rings that tell people we belong together. We know, and that may look different now than it will when our kids are gone. In my case, my kids may never be gone. I have no idea.”
“And the way you’re committed to them for life,” she says, “is one of the things I love most about you. I’m not going anywhere either.”
I can’t help but think of the first time I saw her, of how Aaron reached out to her, connected with her, which is rare for him. People often underestimate him because he doesn’t speak, but I think that even when he doesn’t make eye contact, he’s still watching. Even when he doesn’t seem to be paying attention, he hears. He listens. I wonder if he saw Soledad that first night even in a way I didn’t at the time—if he recognized her as someone special.
Stay.
He said it to me at one of the most crucial points in our life, and it reverberates through every cell of my body as Soledad snuggles close for one last hug.
Stay.
I haven’t had much to smile about lately. Today has been hell, and the question of our future had me dragging around like I lost my best friend the last two weeks. Because in some ways I had. I’ve known Soledad a little over a year, but in that time, I’ve felt seen by her as I never have by anyone else in my life. And the possibility of having the camaraderie, the communion, the passion Tremaine said she and I both deserved—having that with the woman I’ve been drawn to since the moment we met? It paints a goofy grin on my face. I know it does. I can feel how ridiculously happy it makes me appear, but I can’t hold it back.
“I’ve never seen you look like this,” Soledad laughs, setting her palms on either side of my face and tipping up to kiss my nose, my cheeks, my lips.
“You’ve made me happy,” I tell her, curling my arms around her waist and pulling her into me. “You make me happy.”
It’s true. Happiness for myself was at the top of my Me List, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever truly have it. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say since I know she’s spent so much time over the last year ensuring she could be happy on her own, could be content alone, but doubt doesn’t flicker through her eyes. Just a deep emotion that reflects the feeling banging against the door of my heart.
She smiles into our kiss.
“And I love being happy with you.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
SOLEDAD
That looks delicious, Soledad.”
I absorb Margaret Cross’s praise and study the macaroni and cheese fresh out of the oven.
“You think so?” I ask, doubt apparent in my voice as steam rises from the pan. “I hope they’ll like it.”
“Now listen,” Margaret says from the iPad screen propped against my kitchen backsplash. “Those boys are as picky as can be. They still throw out some of Tremaine’s food sometimes.”
“I have actually experienced that for myself. We did three test runs. I made it and took it over to the house. The last time, Adam ate some. Aaron, however, promptly walked his over to the trash and dumped it.”
We both laugh, and it eases some of my anxiety, not just about Judah’s boys eating my mac and cheese but about our two families getting together for the first time.
“You nervous?” Judah’s mother asks, a small smile playing on her lips.
“That obvious, huh?” I run damp palms down the front of my apron. “Very.”
“There’s nothing to be nervous about. You’ve met Tremaine. She’s just glad Judah finally found someone. Kent likes whoever Tremaine likes. The boys already know you, and you have the boxed mac and cheese on standby, right?”