Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 69772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 279(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 279(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Dr. Marroni nodded. “Okay, I’ll take it from here. Thanks, Kins.”
‘Kins’ left, leaving us with the doctor who pulled over the same machine they’d used earlier to give me an ultrasound.
“Since your pregnancy was so early, we probably won’t be able to see anything on the ultrasound doing it over the belly,” she said. “But we’re wanting to see the uterus, mainly, so this’ll do.”
I felt sick to my stomach.
I hadn’t realized that I’d wanted a child.
I mean, why would I want to bring a child into a life where I couldn’t be with his or her father because my brother was a freakin’ gang leader?
Yet, the utter devastation pouring through me in wracking waves was enough to make me wish, hope, and pray that when she ran the ultrasound wand over my belly, the baby would be thriving, instead of miscarrying.
Quinn helped by pulling the gown up and tucking the material underneath my unbound boobs.
He didn’t smirk or anything like he usually would, which kind of broke my heart.
This was all so unreal.
I wasn’t processing anything like I should be.
I knew I should be more upset about all of this.
But I was just numb.
Nothing was affecting me.
“Ahh, see here?” she said as she started to push the wand over my lower belly. “This is the uterus. This right here is the…”
She spent the next ten minutes explaining all the uterus types, and how mine was abnormal and not conducive to reproduction.
“What’s the next step?” Quinn asked.
I didn’t think this was necessary.
I mean, sure, I wanted to know the information myself, but if having a baby with Quinn was even possible, did I really want to bring a child up in a game of tug o’ war?
I looked over at the man who held my heart so completely for so many years.
And, whether I wanted to admit it or not, nothing he’d ever done had been enough for me to ever stop loving him.
Not when he’d broken up with me the first time.
Not when he left me, time after time.
Not when he didn’t answer after that shooting at the movie theater.
Not when my Nonna died, and he wasn’t there.
Literally, nothing short of mass destruction would ever be big enough for me to stop feeling what I felt for Quinn James Carter.
I forced myself to stop looking at Quinn, who’d returned his attention back to the screen, and looked on with him.
Everything I was seeing looked so unreal.
Like it was happening to someone that wasn’t me.
“This area right here,” she said softly, apologetically, “was the baby.”
Quinn’s shoulders stiffened and he sat up straighter.
I rolled my lips over my teeth and bit down and I listened to her thoughts on everything.
When she was done, she hung the wand up, then stood to gather some paper towels.
Handing those to me, she said, “Any questions?”
“When can she have the surgery?” he pushed.
I looked down at my lap.
As if that was the most important thing right now.
I mean, his best friend had just tried to kill me, for Christ’s sake.
Yet, I hung on the doctor’s words.
I listened intently, taking in every single syllable that came out of her mouth.
“I mean,” she looked toward me. “Pending insurance, we could do it as early as necessary. I’d have to check my schedule with my office. Let me get back there, and I’ll let my assistant know that we need to talk numbers and dates. We’ll run her insurance and we’ll go from there.”
I closed my eyes and allowed my head to fall back on the pillow.
Though I couldn’t suffer physical pain, emotional pain was another story.
Just the thought of him wanting this so badly made me want to give him everything.
I wanted to have his children.
I wanted to be the woman he cared about the most in this world.
I wanted it all with him, yet…
Should I believe his words from earlier?
Should I allow him to worm his way back in?
But would having this surgery really change anything?
I mean, sure, kids hadn’t been on my radar at this particular moment in time, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want them at some point in my life.
Thoughts and emotions swirled through my brain as Quinn and Dr. Marroni talked.
My eyes grew heavy, and I allowed the exhaustion to pull me under.
When I next woke, it was to find Quinn in the chair next to my bed, staring blankly out of the hospital window.
“You didn’t leave.”
A statement, not a question.
He looked toward me at the sound of my voice, then gently shook his head. “I’m contemplating life.”
I turned my body toward him, wondering if being so stiff should be worrisome.
“What are you contemplating?” I wondered.
He linked his fingers behind his head, then went back to staring out the window.
The building across the street had some window washers hanging from the roof with chains and wire.