Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 139662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 698(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 698(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
He presses his palms against his eyes. “Because I want you be happy. I don’t want to be the reason that you don’t have a good life. You loved him once.”
“But I didn’t. Not in any way that counts.”
He braces his hands on his knees and swallows hard. “Part of you still cares for him. If you could love him, if he could make you happy, I don’t want a single thought about me to keep you from it.”
“Finn, I can’t,” I breathe, shaking my head. “Do you regret it that much?”
“No.” He turns his body toward me and smiles, even as tears run down his cheeks. “Loving you, feeling the gift of your love—it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Regretting that just because you won’t be mine anymore would be . . . That would be like regretting a glimpse of the stars before being plunged into eternal darkness.”
My heart squeezes hard around the knife he’s plunged into its center. “Then don’t ask me to love someone else the way I love you. And don’t you dare ask me to forget you.” I scoot toward him on the bed and wipe away his tears. “I’d choose to love you even if I’d known what was coming. I’d choose to love you through the pain of knowing I can’t have you. I will choose to love you still tomorrow. I could sooner choose to stop breathing than stop loving you.”
He turns his head and presses his lips into my palm. “Thank you,” he whispers. “I don’t deserve that.”
“You do. But that’s where my choices end, isn’t it?”
He shakes his head, and a tear rolls down his cheek. “That’s why Mab chose you,” he murmurs. “Because she knew you would carry pain of your own before letting innocents suffer. I would hate her for it if it wasn’t exactly what my people needed.”
I swing my legs around and off the side of the bed to sit next to him. He wraps one arm around me and we lean our heads together. “In a different world, in a different life, we’d be together,” I whisper. “No kingdoms to rule, no people to save, just you and me and a simple life loving each other.”
“But we’re in this world. In this life.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head, and it feels like goodbye. “So I’ll have to save that for my dreams.”
The numbness I feel as Sebastian and I hike through the mountains has nothing to do with the cool air or the setting sun. This is how it feels to sacrifice your heart for something bigger. It feels like abandoning it, locking it away in an attic, where you hope it might be safe but where it’s disconnected from your life.
I keep catching Sebastian’s inquisitive gaze on me as we walk, but I don’t have the energy to ask him why. I can only focus on the task at hand—putting one foot in front of the other and knowing that each step is a step closer to a future without Finn. A future with my heart locked away and my duty taking charge.
A goblin brought us as far into the Goblin Mountains as he could and left us to travel the rest of the way on foot to the River of Ice. We should arrive before nightfall; then we’ll swim in the water to solidify the bond and make camp. Tomorrow we’ll return to the palace and take the throne together.
Kane leads the way. Apparently he grew up in this section of the mountains—west of Staraelia and farther south than the range we traveled to reach the portal. He hasn’t said more than a few words to me. I know he’s worried about Finn too. Likely worried and torn between his duty to the prince he swore to protect and the court he’s trying to save. I’m glad he’s not talking about it. I know exactly how he feels, and finding the words might break me.
Behind us, Riaan keeps watch, looking for signs of Queen Arya’s Golden Military.
“I want you to promise you’ll give us a chance,” Sebastian says, breaking a long silence.
I flick my gaze to him. I can’t do this right now.
Kane skids to a halt and spins around. “Are you kidding me right now, boy?”
Sebastian glares at him. “Stay out of this.”
I shake my head. “Bash, please don’t.”
“I just need you to give me—” Sebastian stops, gripping his arm, where an arrow has lodged.
“In the trees!” Riaan shouts, stepping closer as Kane rushes toward our attackers.
Magic zips through the air as Riaan gathers us close to him, blocking us with his body.
“Poison,” Sebastian croaks. “Abriella, get down.”
But it’s too late. An arrow strikes me before his words register.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
We’re taken somewhere deep in the Goblin Mountains to a fortress built into a mountainside, but the moment we enter, we’re thrown into a dark cell without instruction or explanation. I weave in and out of consciousness, my body weak from whatever poison they pumped into me.