Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
“Were you able to take a clonazepam?” he asked me.
I shook my head at him. “I tried, but he wouldn’t let me. He was so dead set on talking to me, and when he unexpectedly grabbed me . . .” My voice trailed off.
“You panicked,” Dr. Gresham finished. I wordlessly nodded. “How bad was the attack?”
“Pretty bad.” I clasped my hands together and pressed them between my thighs. “Julian found me sobbing and struggling to breathe on the floor. Between him and Axel, they got me calm and got me to take my meds. But I was so drained afterward. It was one of the worst ones I’ve had.” I scrubbed my hands down my face. “I had a flashback of the night I was raped at the frat house,” I whispered.
“That’s to be expected. Sometimes people or certain events trigger our PTSD,” Dr. Gresham reminded me. We’d had that discussion numerous times. He wanted to make sure I was forewarned that certain things in my life might be triggers. “Have you had any since?”
I shrugged. “I just had it last night,” I informed him. “So, I don’t know yet if they’re here to stay or if it was just a one-time thing.”
“Maybe get Julian and Axel to make sure that Vincent doesn’t come around until you’re a hundred percent sure you’re ready to talk to him. I’m worried that even if you’re the slightest bit unsure, you’ll fall back a couple of steps into your recovery.”
The thought of Axel sent a pang through my heart. “There’s something else,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to talk about it, but I knew I needed to.
“Let’s hear it.”
A tear slid down my cheek. “Is it wrong of me to want to be with Axel?” I asked, my voice breaking.
There was no judgement in Dr. Gresham’s eyes as he looked over at me. “No. Our hearts want what they want, and Axel has become a huge part of your life, Meghan. I’m honestly surprised that these feelings haven’t risen in you sooner because of how close you two are.”
“But I can’t lose Julian.” Pain lanced through my chest at the thought. I pressed the heel of my hand to my chest and rubbed, trying to relieve the ache. “If I have to make a choice, I will choose Julian, but I’m so terrified of losing Axel in the process.”
“It’s okay to be with both of them, you know,” Dr. Gresham told me. I released a bitter laugh. Julian would never allow that possibility. Julian had a monster he kept locked inside of him, and I knew the thought of me with another man would release that beast.
I scoffed. “Yeah, that will never happen—especially not while I’m with Julian.”
Dr. Gresham shrugged. “You would be surprised, Meghan. That man is willing to do whatever it takes to keep you on your path to recovery and to make you happy. I know the man you described to me when you came into this center is not the same man that you’re with now. Even you have to admit that there’s been some changes.”
I stayed quiet, mulling over Dr. Gresham’s words. What he said did make sense. Julian had allowed Axel into my dressing room with me, and he allowed Axel to sleep in the bed with us because I was terrified of him leaving me. Just those two moments spoke volumes for how much Julian had changed.
I shook my head. “It can’t happen. It’s wrong, and it’s unfair to both of them.”
Dr. Gresham shrugged. “Maybe you should let the two men decide for themselves what they want, Meghan, instead of deciding for them.”
* * *
✶ ✶ ✶
* * *
Axel was standing in the lobby when I walked out of the main part of the center. His hands were in the pockets of his jeans. A leather jacket was on his shoulders since the air was kind of cool today. “Where’s Julian?” I asked him.
“He’s having an impromptu appointment with his therapist and asked me to come get you,” he replied.
Someone brushed my shoulder as they moved past me, and I jumped closer to Axel on instinct, my hand reaching out to clutch his. “I’m here, sweet girl,” he whispered as he tightened his hold around my hand and led me out of the center.
My heart pounded in my chest at the feeling of his hand in mine. It still brought me comfort—so much comfort—but Axel was making my body react in the same way Julian did.
And that was dangerous as hell.
Axel led me out to his car and opened the passenger door for me, allowing me to sit down in his leather seat before he shut the door and strode around to the driver’s side.
“You hungry?” he asked me.
I shook my head at him. “I really just want Starbucks right now,” I told him. “A caramel frap sounds amazing.”