Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
I linked my fingers with Julian’s. “You guys gave me the push I needed to get better. I wouldn’t be here today if you hadn’t.”
“We love you.” Julian said simply. “We will always push you when you can’t find the strength to push yourself, baby girl. Never forget that. When your feet slip over the edge again, we will be here to grab your hands and pull you back up.”
I leaned over and picked up my sketchbook and flipped to my latest drawing. “I drew this a few days ago,” I told them.
Julian slid the book from my fingers, his eyes locked on the page in front of him. I was kneeling between them, but Julian had his hand under my chin, tilting my face up to look at him as Axel held my hands in his.
It wasn’t a submissive pose to me.
It was a trusting pose.
I trusted my men.
“Can we frame this?” Julian asked me as he passed the book to Axel.
I blushed. “You really want to frame that?” I asked him.
He nodded. “What do you think, Axel?” he asked his best friend. “I think it’ll look good in our bedroom.”
Axel nodded in agreement, his eyes not moving from the drawing in his hands. “It’ll look perfect by the bathroom door,” he agreed. He looked up at me. “You’re accepting us more and more each and every day, sweet girl.”
I nodded. “I want both of you,” I told him honestly. “I still have a few more steps to go through in my mind, but I can’t stand the thought of being without one of you. I realized it when I was back in the center.”
A sad expression flashed across his face. “You’ll never go back there again except for your therapy sessions, Meghan,” he told me. “I’m so fucking sorry for making you think I ever abandoned you, sweet girl.”
“It’s okay.” I inhaled deeply. “Just don’t ever make me feel like that again.”
He pressed a kiss to my ankle. “Never again, sweet girl,” he promised.
Julian tightened his arms around me. “We’ve both fucked up in our own ways.” I brushed my hand over his tattooed arm. “But we’ll never do it again, baby girl.”
I rested my head back on Julian’s shoulder, letting my eyes fall shut. “I know you won’t,” I told him, referring to both of them.
“Always and forever,” Julian softly reminded me.
I smiled. “Always and forever, Julian,” I repeated.
41
I smiled the slightest bit at Dr. Gresham when his face popped up on my laptop for our virtual therapy session. He warmly smiled in return. “How are you feeling today, Meghan?”
I shrugged. “Tired,” I told him. I reached up to rub my temples. “It’s a bit of a hard day,” I quietly admitted.
Axel placed a cup of ginger tea in front of me and pressed a kiss to the side of my head before he stepped back over to the bar where he was working on classwork. I had hit a low today, and when Axel had come to check on me, I had randomly burst into tears.
It was coming closer and closer to the anniversary of when I lost Oliver.
And I didn’t know how to cope with it.
Axel hadn’t left me alone all day, and I was thankful for it. If I were left to my thoughts by myself, I felt like I might lose my mind.
“It’s getting to be that time, isn’t it?” Dr. Gresham gently asked me.
I nodded and blinked back my tears. “I thought I was finally beginning to be okay with what happened.” I sniffled. “But this just shows that I’m not.” I rubbed my chest with the heel of my hand and drew in a ragged breath. “There were so many things that I could have done differently.”
“Meghan, you were a girl trapped in a woman’s body—a girl who never had the opportunity to heal, to grow. You were just struggling to survive through your pain and torment each day long enough to make it to the next one, only to repeat the process.”
“If I hadn’t danced so much and just listened to Julian about taking it easy, maybe we would have Oliver,” I said, a tear running down my cheek.
“At that point and time, Meghan, without dancing, I feel that you would have spiraled a lot sooner than you had.” Another tear ran down my cheek. “Things happen, Meghan. Most of the time, it’s not what we had in mind when we think of our future, and that’s okay. It may hurt a lot, but there’s always some plan in place for the pain that you feel.”
“Well, that plan is bullshit,” I retorted. “I’m tired of hurting so much.”
“Have you perhaps sat down with Julian and talked with him about Oliver and everything that happened with the anniversary getting closer?”
I shook my head. “It didn’t bother me until this morning when I looked at my phone and realized what day it was,” I informed him. God, my chest hurt so much. “Julian is always gone before I get up.”