Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
“It isn’t the source,” I rasp, my voice hoarse from sleeping too much. “I hold no ill will toward you anymore, Ivy. I just don’t know how to do this.”
She’s quiet for a pause, and then she surprises me by moving to sit on the bed next to me.
“I know it’s not something we can talk about easily,” she says. “But I have been where you are. I have felt what you’re feeling right now, and I almost let that darkness consume me. I wanted your brother’s love. I wanted his warmth, and I thought I would die without it. It’s the kind of pain that becomes a part of you until you think nothing can touch it. But I’m here to tell you there’s one thing stronger than that pain. One thing you will come to understand.”
“And what is that?” I choke out.
“Your love for your child,” she murmurs softly. “That love will eclipse everything else. It will change you. There’s nothing else in the world like it. No matter how broken you might feel, I can promise you, the moment you meet that baby, the world stops spinning, and you realize your true purpose in this life. You will do anything to protect them. You would gladly lay down your life for them. And I don’t need a crystal ball to tell you that you’ll feel the same.”
“I don’t know if I’ll be a good mother.” The confession falls from my lips unbidden. “I’m terrified I’m going to screw this up.”
Ivy laughs gently. “Oh, don’t worry. You will screw up. We all do. But what matters is that you keep trying. You learn from your mistakes, and you do better.”
Her admission eases some of the anxiety in my chest because at least I know I’m not alone in that department.
“Now here comes the hard part,” she says.
“What’s that?”
“You have to start now. You need to get up. Move. Eat. Function. Even if you don’t feel like it. Your baby needs you. It’s time to remember who you are and show that child the De La Rosa blood runs strong. With that, you can conquer anything.”
Her words settle over me, and as much as my brain wants to disregard them and stay exactly where I’m at, I know she’s right. I’ve wallowed. I’ve grieved. But I have a life to create. I have a future to establish. And I can’t do that lying in bed feeling sorry for myself.
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Good.” She reaches for my hand and squeezes it in hers. “Now first thing’s first. We need to get you cleaned up.”
I nod. Ivy pulls back the covers, and slowly, I sit up. It’s harder than I expect because I’m weak, my muscles aching from days of doing nothing. When my feet hit the floor, and I try to stand on my own, I quickly realize that I can’t.
“It’s okay.” Ivy grabs my arms. “Your body is tired. Let me help you.”
I don’t want to let her help me, mostly because I’m stubborn, and I was actually inspired by her reminder of the blood that runs in my veins. But I know she’s not going to let me give up now when she’s gotten me halfway.
“Remember, I’ve been where you are,” she says. “I know it’s not fun. I’m still not back to a hundred percent myself, but I have a few party tricks from my physical therapy that will make it easier.”
She maneuvers herself in front of me, bends, and wraps me in a hug. Immediately, I stiffen, and she laughs.
“Yep, just like your brother. You both need to work on human affection, but I can promise you, I’ll save a real hug for another time.”
I realize as she starts to pull me up with her what she’s doing, and surprisingly, it works. Within a moment, I’m on my feet, and Ivy has her arm wrapped around my waist in support. But that’s only the first stage of the battle, and walking becomes another challenge with my legs stiff and uncooperative. It isn’t until I’ve managed five steps that my body begins to relax slightly, and we traverse the distance into the bathroom with slow but certain progress.
Ivy leads me to the bathtub, and I grip the porcelain as my knees bump against it.
“Are you okay?” Her hand hovers near my arm as she releases me, and I nod.
“I’ll be okay, thank you. You can go.”
“Oh, no.” She shakes her head determinedly. “That’s not happening. I’m not going to leave you in here to fall.”
“I won’t,” I say, but even as the words come out of my mouth, we can both hear the lie.
“Another De La Rosa trait,” she mutters as she turns on the water. “You should know I’ve become a pro at managing stubbornness, so your protests are lost on me. Just remember, it wasn’t that long ago the roles were reversed, and you were watching me in a similar situation.”