Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 142764 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142764 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Well, funnily enough, I have neither of those… I almost say, but bite my tongue.
Drew isn’t perfect, and I wouldn’t even say he’s good, but Sebastian has no idea what we shared. He has no idea how alive I felt with Drew. I’m not agreeing with anything that happened, nor do I think it’s okay, but whatever was developing between us was special, and I can’t just switch that off or forget it. At least if you aren’t a complete psychopath.
We sit in silence, and for one fleeting moment, I wish I still had Jackie… Scratch that. I wish I had someone to talk to who would understand. My heart aches at the loss of my friendship with her, of the loss of my mother and Drew. The pain rips through me, the wound pulsing with life.
I roll my eyes up toward the ceiling so I don't cry and chug back some more wine.
"What do you want, Bel?"
His adoption of my nickname should grate on every nerve ending in my body, but it feels good to have someone call me that. I swallow hard and then look back at him. His green eyes bore into mine.
"I want the pain to go away, for everything to stop hurting so much. For the constant reminder of all I lost to disappear.”
"It won't be this way forever. The pain will fade eventually, and each day will hurt a little less than the day before."
"How do you know?" I snap.
The moment I’ve spoken the words, I regret them. If anyone doesn't deserve my venom, it's him. Sebastian has been kind, patient, and understanding. He’s been far more supportive than I ever expected him to be, and he’s lost someone as well. His situation is almost worse than my own. At least I have memories of time spent with our mother. He has nothing.
He stands and slips his hands into his pockets. I swear I see a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. "I'll send up more wine if you eat all your dinner."
My mouth opens, and I want to tell him I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean to snap at him, but I’m not sure it would matter. He disappears out the door, closing it softly behind him, leaving me with my thoughts.
I know I’m being a bitch, and that I continue to be one even without thinking about it. Unfortunately, it’s a trauma mechanism I’ve developed to protect myself. It’s better if I push him away and keep him at arm's length. At least then, when something happens, when he inevitably leaves, it’ll hurt a little less than if I let him in all the way. Because the thought of losing literally the only family I have left hurts, even if I barely know anything about him.
My phone pings again, but I refuse to look at it, so I take a long swig of the wine. "Fuck off, Drew," I whisper.
I let out a shuddering breath and lean back into the pillows. My food is getting cold, and the wine is nearly gone. I should eat something, and sadly not because Sebastian told me to, but because I want more wine.
With a sigh, I lean over and crawl to the end of the bed on my knees to sit and eat. Chicken and vegetables—a full meal of nutrients and vitamins. Nothing like my scamper for nutrients vs. cost when I had to shop for myself. This is a long way away from peanut butter sandwiches. I pop a couple of pieces of food into my mouth. I’m overwhelmed with the robust spice from the chicken and veggies.
It's delicious too, of course. Sebastian, I guess our family, has to have the best.
I take another bite and consider what Sebastian hasn't told me about our family. Like how they made their millions and what this will all mean for me when the time comes. What does my future look like as a member of this family? From what I've seen, Sebastian has taken it all onto his shoulders, even as he seems to stumble under the weight of it. He doesn’t complain, doesn’t even show a sliver of weakness.
He’s far stronger than I am. Maybe that has to do with how he was raised? There are so many things I have yet to learn about him and who our family is. It saddens me to think how much time has passed, how many memories we missed out on making. The pinging of my phone drags me from my thoughts, and I check it before I can think better of it. I see Drew’s latest unanswered message.
Psycho: You have one week, Flower. One week to get back to me, or I’m hunting you down, ready or not.
I drop the phone down onto the bed and stare straight ahead. Was Sebastian lying when he said he would kill Drew? I’m not sure I want to take that chance. While I’m pissed at Drew and kinda sorta want to stab him, the last thing I want is for him to die. Still, he needs to understand that he’s no longer in control. I am, and I’m done answering to him.