Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
“You know a sponsor is supposed to be someone who has more time being sober than you, and that’s not me anymore. I’ve been clean for like, four hours, Jake. How can I be your sponsor?”
“I don’t know. We’ll just make it work.”
“How? I won’t fuck this up for you.”
“I know you won’t. That’s exactly why it should be you. What would you have done today if I wouldn’t have left last night? If we both found those drugs.”
“I would’ve gotten you outside and made sure you didn’t go anywhere near them.”
“You really think you could muscle me? I’m bigger than you.”
His jaw clenches. “Barely.”
“Enough.”
“And?” Felix stands then, pushing up against my chest and bumping me back. “If I had to knock your smartass out, I would’ve done it. I would’ve kept you out, Jake. Tackled you. Fucking dragged you. Whatever I needed to do. Even if it meant swallowing every fucking pill in that house—I’d do it so you couldn’t.”
I lean in until our noses almost touch. “And that’s why it needs to be you.”
Felix blinks, a shaking breath pushing out of his mouth and bathing my face.
“It needs to be you, Felix.” My voice is softer now. I sound like I’m begging. “Please.”
He stares into my eyes. “I just lost so much time. I’m starting over, Jake. I’m not—it should be someone else. Someone like Dean. Four hours is nothing.”
“That’s not what you said the day we met,” I remind him. “I was bitching about losing seven years and how three weeks was nothing, and you said three weeks was amazing. That three hours would’ve been amazing. So shut the fuck up. You’re starting over? Well, so am I. We can start over together.”
“It’s not just about that. Are you really going to want to ask me for advice and shit? I’m obviously not the best at this. I didn’t even hesitate this morning. I saw the coke and that pill, not knowing what it was, and I didn’t even try to walk away.”
“Yeah, but you would’ve stopped me. And Dean would’ve stopped you if he was there. And fuck, you know what? So would I. I would’ve stopped you, Felix. We can do this together. Don’t push me off onto someone else because you don’t think you’re good enough to do this. I know you are.”
He looks down and away as he scratches the back of his head, thinking this over like it’s the biggest decision he’s ever made.
And now those curls are right in my face.
“Your hair looks so fucking good right now. I need you to know that.”
His head snaps up. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t even do anything to it.” He cautiously touches the pieces falling over his forehead. “And the rain… it’s not frizzy?”
“No. It’s so good. As soon as I saw you, I wanted to tell you that.”
His cheek dimples in.
“Don’t push me off on Dean, okay?”
“Jake.”
“I don’t doubt that I can do this because I have you. This is what works for me, Felix. It’s either you or nobody. I’ve done it without a sponsor before. I can do it again if I have to.”
“Oh, that’s such a bitch-ass move. You know I don’t like thinking about you being alone without a sponsor.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I said it.”
He drops his head back, exposing his neck, and sighs. “Fucking fine.” We lock eyes again. “But only if you’re sure. You really need to think about this, Jake.”
“I have. It’s my choice, right?”
“Of course, it is.”
“So don’t make that decision for me. That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
He narrows his eyes. “I was just trying to do what I think is best, but whatever. Oh, and also, fuck you. You’re not that much bigger than me. I’m skinny but I’m fucking cut.”
I slowly let my eyes move all over him, remembering every sharp angle.
Felix swallows noisily. “Um. Jake?”
“Yeah.”
“Remember when we were holding hands? Remember that?”
I smile at him.
“Can we go back to doing that and talk about how you want me to be your boyfriend? Like, could you say it again? I was so focused on the sponsor stuff I didn’t really get to enjoy hearing you say that.”
I brush my fingers against his. “I’m sick of rules, Felix. It sucks trying to stay sober when you can’t even fuck who you want to fuck.”
“More romance please. I’m not an object.”
I burst out laughing. “I’m getting to the romance, baby.”
His cheeks burn instantly.
“Was it the baby?” I tease, running my nose along his. “Do you like that?”
“Yeah. It was hot.”
“So be my boyfriend, and I’ll call you that all the time.”
“Ungh.” Felix drops his head against my shoulder. “That was so fucking smooth.”
I cup the back of his neck, turn my head, and press my mouth against his ear, whispering, “So, will you?”
His hands grip my waist. “Fuck the rules.”