Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
I force a swallow, air rushing past my lips. “What does it look like?”
“Like you. Like your hair.” He pushes his fingers through it one more time, and he does it more forcefully, so he knows I’ll feel it (forever). “It doesn’t look bad, Felix. I promise. Okay?”
I nod, quick little jerks. “Okay.”
“Do you want to take the hoodie off now?”
“Yeah.” I peel it off so fast, I’m almost dizzy. “God. I was dying.”
“It wasn’t that hot in there, was it?”
No. It was you.
Saving my selfies to a separate album.
Sending me old school heart emojis.
You know, basically just wrecking me.
“Well, it’s a thick hoodie,” I say, which isn’t the whole truth, but it’s close. “I forgot my beanie. So.” I scratch the back of my head.
Jakes licks his lips. “I think I miss the beanie.”
“Really?”
“I don’t know. A little.”
He motions for us to start walking, and I step in beside him.
I am absolutely putting that beanie on when we get to my house. I’m wearing that thing all night.
We head toward the parking lot at the back of the building, and I feel so good now.
My body temperature is cooling off.
Jake is coming to my house for the first time.
We’ll both think about cuddling while we sit together, nice and close, until we realize how safe cuddling can be and just give into it.
Both of us. At the same time.
He reaches for me as I reach for him, and then we realize there isn’t enough room on the couch for us to comfortably cuddle while watching the movie, and we decide together to move things into the bedroom. And it’s so perfect and my bed is so soft, but Jake’s body is so hard and it’s the perfect combination to lull us both to sleep. We can’t help it. It just happens. And we both wake up smiling with our arms around each other (well, his around me because I like to burrow against his chest) and without regrets, and it’s so good, we decide to make this a weekly thing. It becomes our routine. Every Saturday night, we cuddle and fall asleep together, until we’ve both been sober for years and we can be more now, finally, and then it becomes an every night thing. Even after Charlie and Cassie come along. My bed’s big enough for them too. We make sure of it.
“What are you smiling at?” Jake asks, cutting into my daydream.
“Huh?” I blink him into focus and realize we’re standing next to my car. “Have we been standing here long?”
I’m parked at the end of the lot, and I don’t even remember walking over here.
“What were you just thinking about?”
“Nothing,” I lie. “Donuts.”
Jake shakes his head. “Not nothing. And not donuts. You’re covering.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Tell me what you were thinking about.”
Ha. And die from sheer embarrassment? No thanks.
“I actually don’t remember,” I say, tugging out my keys. “But probably donuts. I’m still hungry.”
Not a lie.
He watches me carefully. “If I guess, will you tell me if I’m right?”
I pull my shoulders back. Challenge accepted. “You’ll never guess.”
“Does it have something to do with Charlie?”
What.
“Or Cassie?”
WHAT.
I feel the blood drain from my face, and whisper, “How do you know about them?”
“Does it?”
This can’t be happening. There’s no possible way.
But what if…
“Oh my god. Okay. I’ve read about this phenomenon and I always thought it was bullshit and completely made up, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe two people can dream the same thing. Holy shit. Holy shit.” I step closer to Jake. “How old are they in your dreams? Because they’re like, four and six in mine. Are they both blonde? Same surrogate, right? Does Charlie have the sweetest little lisp we keep getting told to correct with speech therapy, but we ignore our doctor because we both love it so much?” I grip his shoulders. “This is incredible! Tell me everything you’ve seen!”
Jake stares at me in complete silence for way too long, and I realize my error immediately.
“I said Charlie and Cassie when I was staring off into space, didn’t I?” I ask.
“Yep.”
“You have no idea who they are, right?”
“Right.”
“Yeah. I thought so. That is awesome.” I quickly unlock my car and dive inside, slamming the door behind me. “I need to cancel tonight!” I yell over the sound of the engine starting. “I’m getting my house bombed for fleas! I forgot! So sorry! We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
I peel out of the parking lot and speed away.
THE FIVE STAGES OF SEXUAL TENSION
FELIX
IS THERE A way to continue sponsoring someone without ever seeing them in person ever again?
I sure hope so, because I’m quitting my job and becoming a hermit, and I really don’t want to break my commitment to Jake.
I just can’t ever show my face in public.
Now, I know some people might say, “Wow, Felix. You are completely overreacting,” but I’ll bet these people have never stared into their crush’s eyes and shared their deepest, most personal secrets involving this crush with great enthusiasm, secrets that involve their future together like it’s a sure thing they’ve both already fully committed to, so these people can fuck off with their opinions and leave me alone in my solitude. I want to bury myself deep in the earth.