Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
We have a dog who barks at dickheads when they pull up to the house. He’s huge and he cuddles with me more than he does with you. HAHA (But he cuddles with you too) Of course he does. Who wouldn’t?
We still have Bella. But only because the kids like her.
Oh, and we have kids.
Charlie and Cassie. Remember them?
You’re a firefighter now. And you love it. You’re happy.
And yeah that all came to me during a sex dream.
You look so hot as a firefighter, Jake. I mean, wow.
And we’re just so good together. I always knew we would be.
You’re the family I always wanted, Jake. And even though we never get married or get the dog or have the kids, you’ve given me so much. And I know I died happy because of you.
Our tragedy was really great, wasn’t it?
Tell my big bro I’ll miss him. Riley too.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be as strong as you are.
Please beat this. Do it for me.
I’ll be really fucking pissed if you don’t.
I love you (forever)
Felix
I LIFT MY head from the torn-out piece of notebook paper in my hand and stare out across the headstones.
When I blink, tears trickle down my cheeks.
“I really fucking hate you right now,” I say, wiping at my face.
Then I look over at Felix as he steps around one of the graves, and he freezes after hearing me.
“What? Why do you hate me?”
“I can’t believe you let me read this.”
I crumple the paper in my fist as I push off from the hood of my car and toss the ball into the nearby trash barrel.
Felix shakes his head and resumes walking toward me. “I told you not to read it.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I fucking did. I said, don’t read that, Jake. Just put it back where you found it, and let’s go. You’re never supposed to read that. And you said, it says it’s for me, so I’m reading it. Tough shit.” He stops in front of me and cocks his head. “Remember that conversation? It just happened like, forty-five minutes ago.”
“Nope. It never happened.” I fight a smile, even though my eyes are still wet with tears. “I want to kill Dean for making you write that. I should’ve listened to you.”
“Told you.” Felix cups my face and brushes his thumbs against my cheeks, catching any remaining tears. “It was awful to write. Especially since you were gone and I couldn’t see you after I wrote it. I can’t imagine reading something like that from you. But I guess it was a good exercise. Really made me think about everything I’d be losing or missing out on. You know?”
He’s right.
How could I ever risk jeopardizing what’s ours to have?
I’d do anything for us.
I turn my head and kiss his palm. “Everything you’d be losing. Like getting married?”
“Sure.” He clears his throat and drops his hands too quickly as he looks anywhere but my face. “If that’s something you want to do… I’d be okay with whatever. We don’t have to let everyone know I’m yours or wear matching rings to signify our love and commitment. I’ll get over wanting something official like that and becoming a real family. It’s not a big deal. Just my greatest dream.”
I smirk. “Your greatest dream, huh.”
“I can have other dreams. It’s fine.”
“So I shouldn’t ask you to marry me then?”
His head jerks and we lock eyes. “Yes, you fucking should. Did you just ask me?”
“No. We’re at a cemetery…”
Felix shrugs, picking at the ends of his hair that’s grown out to his shoulders now (and so fucking hot).
It’s still curly and a mess most of the time.
I love it so much, it’s crazy.
“I’d say yes, Jake. Right here among the dead. Just saying.”
I chuckle and then lift his chin as I lean in, taking his mouth in a kiss.
And I keep him wondering by not saying anything else about it.
He won’t have to wait much longer.
“Did you tell your mom about your week?” I ask.
It’s Sunday.
We’re here every Sunday.
It’s the first thing we do after having our big breakfast together that Felix makes. Only now, we share it with CJ, Riley, and their one-year-old daughter, Scout.
It’s a family thing. You might not get it.
“I did,” Felix says. “And I saw my dad’s grave.” He rolls his eyes. “Beloved husband and father. Can you believe that shit?”
“Did you piss on it? I would’ve.”
Felix laughs and shakes his head. “Nah. He was shitty, but he had his own demons. Maybe he would’ve been a decent parent without the drugs and alcohol. Maybe not. I just know I don’t want to hate him anymore. What’s the point?”
“You’re a better person than me.”
“He was an addict and an alcoholic. He had a disease, Jake, and that disease killed him.”
“Disease or not, he wasn’t ever good to you. He wasn’t a father.”